Tuesday, March 7, 2017
So, I lasted 6 months at my big corporate job. This is not good news...
This is great news!
The last 6 months as an undercover mystic in the corporate world has given me so much insight as to what goes on in the world today. The politics, the stress of micro management, the pain of unrealistic expectations from an upper management who has never done your job, and the general treatment of people in the workforce as if they are machines. I can honestly say that my soul began to slowly wither in the cold dark winter months of living under someone's thumb in a cubical. I would get to work in the dark, and drive home in the dark. Like a plant that had been shoved down into some corner of a basement, my mind seemed to be turning brown at the edges. I struggled to use my self development tools, and started to question my worth, and wonder about my purpose. My self esteem plummeted, and as you may have noticed, I wasn't posting any original material. In short, everything in my life went dark.
During the same 6 months, my boyfriend moved back to California and I found myself not only feeling stressed out at my new job and lifestyle (I went from being a full time entrepreneur into a full time job in high pressure sales), I also began to feel very alone and unsure about everything in my life. However, through it all, there was a tiny little spark inside of me that just wouldn't give up. It kept reminding me where to go to feel whole, healed, and complete. This little spark kept the memory of my one true place of light and peace.
With this little spark in the dark, I did not allow myself to be overcome with grief and sadness. I did not let my heart become bitter. Instead, I followed it to my Father God and to my Mother Goddess. My conversations with them became very real, very raw, and very powerful. After my boyfriend left, I decided to make God the man of my life and the man of the house. I would spend hours talking to my Heavenly Parents every night, expressing to them my fears and worries. Through these conversations, I began to regain my trust in them, and in myself. I was guided to start taking supplements that assist people who have Seasonal Disorder and to join an 8 week boot camp that would hold me accountable for working out. Throughout the day, my attention was brought to little things like a random feather floating through the air, or a magnificent frosty winter sunset. I could tell that my team of angels were doing their best to help me notice special moments that would lift my spirits. Never in my life have I felt so supported by Heaven. It was almost as if the moment I would start getting down on myself, something would happen to cheer me up. A song would come onto the radio, a friend would randomly call, my son would come upstairs and share a joke, a coworker would offer to take me to lunch. No matter how stressed out or sad I became, it seemed there was a pick-me-up just around the corner. It was, if I may use the word lightly, MAGICAL.
February 18th, I attended a very small gathering of people who celebrated the life of a friend who had passed away. The interesting thing about death, is that it really makes you think about life. She was my age and I wondered what sort of regrets I would have if I died at this time in my life. I have more books inside of me, I have a lot to teach and to share. I see people who are hungry for the wisdom I have gained over the years and something about the prospect of leaving this planet without pouring my love completely and wholeheartedly into it made something come alive on the inside of me. That very night, I had a long and open conversation with my Heavenly Parents who lovingly told me in my heart that I have what it takes to be an entrepreneur and that it was safe to start working on my dream life again.
Conveniently, I happened to get super sick and had to take the next week off to do nothing but lay in bed and recover. But I was recovering from much more than an illness. I was recovering from thinking I was unable to really teach, write, mentor, and make money using my gifts to provide for me and my son. I was recovering from a broken heart, and broken plans. I was letting go of things that no longer served me, thoughts that disturbed me, feelings of insecurity and fears that tormented me. I was recovering from the harsh corporate world that told me every single day that I wasn't good enough. By the time I arose from that week of recovery, it was the easiest thing in the world to walk into my boss's office and give him my two week notice. I did it like a phoenix. I did it like a woman on fire, a woman with a renewed sense of purpose, and I did it with God, Goddess, and the entire Heavens cheering me on. It was one of the most beautiful moments of my life. On the way out to my car that day, I felt wind in my hair, I felt flowers at my feet, and the magical mystic that I AM was reborn!
What I learned from all of this this is two things:
1. No matter what you are going though, no matter who has hurt you or let you down, you have a Heavenly family who will literally do everything in their power to help you and to guide you. We truly are never alone, but we must go to our Source and have the hard conversations instead of avoiding them. God wants to hear it all, and He's got all day and night to listen. There is nothing more important than you! If you are afraid to take the steps you are shown, ask for courage, ask for intervention, ask for signs and reassurance. Heaven won't let you down!!
2. Magic is all around us all of the time. I am convinced that when we forget to notice it, we die inside. There is nothing wrong with believing that a sunset was painted for no other reason than for you to see it and enjoy it. Trust me, I know how hard it is to believe in magic when you are down in the dumps, but the most incredible time to notice it is when you are wavering in disbelief. Magic is that moment when you realize that everything is in Divine order and timing. It's when you realize that everything that is happening to you right now is for your benefit- even the hard stuff. Magic happens when you have every reason to stop trusting and believing, but something inside of you sparks a bit of faith and you let that tiny little spark set you on fire. Magic happens in your life when you choose to believe anyway. And then things start to happen. Life begins to make sense again. Don't give up believing in the magic of life- EVER.
So what's next for me? I have some fun things up my sleeve for you, reader. Stay tuned because the Modern Mystic is back!