My Gift

2017 has been heavy on my mind this past week. Not just because I’ve been talking about it to clients who are eager to hear how their future is shaping up, but mostly because I’m feeling something stir within me. Numeralogically,  2016 is considered a “9” year which means it was a year of completion, goodbyes, and letting go. As we enter the last month of this completion year, I am certain that I am not the only one who is feeling a definite close to the past. From what I know about completion years is that a lot of emotions can arise so please be easy on yourself as you are finally stepping out of this chapter of your life. Perhaps you are feeling a sense of urgency to finish up projects and wrap up your plans. Perhaps you are feeling a sense of nostalgia as your mind gives you a curtain call of memories to appreciate and let go of. It can also be common for past hurts, troubles, and issues to rise but keep in mind that these things are only coming to light because they need to be dealt with and put to a final rest. I know that for me, saying goodbye to the past has never felt sweeter. But that is because I know what awaits me behind door number 2017. 

If you are someone who is really ready for change, you can capitalize on the energy surrounding December and lighten your load by getting rid of what doesn’t belong anymore. The entire universe is supporting you to take an honest look at whom you are surrounding yourself with, what your plans and goals are, and to sift through your life, pick out what you want to take with you into the next year, and trash whatever doesn’t fit anymore.  With all of this being said, I’ve been thinking about what to give to you as the year comes to a close and you make your transition from completion to the new beginnings that await you in 2017. What I came up with was a yummy little care package of advice that I believe will work magic in your life if you accept.

Your goodie bag consists of “CANDY.”  I came up with this fun little acronym to help you remember some things throughout the month. Picture a little cellophane bag with confetti, ribbon and sweets inside, ready for you to happily indulge in. Except these sweets have no calories and guilt attached. They are pure, positive, helpful tips to bring you out of negativity and into a really delicious new life! 2017 will taste so scrumptious when you keep these little nuggets in your belly, mind, and heart. So here they are:

C A N D Y

C-CLARITY. Come on, you knew this would have to be the first sweet if it’s coming from me! I truly believe that at the end of the day, clarity is the one thing that will empower us and drive us forward into our best lives. When people come to me for readings, it is because they are feeling like they are in the dark about something. Whether it be their relationship, financial situation, health, or kids- you come to me because you are searching for answers and understanding. Clarity is the most powerful thing you can give yourself. It requires that you take time to contemplate your fears, worries, and doubts. It requires that you ask yourself hard questions, or admitting deep seated anxieties that might be inhibiting your answers. First and foremost this month, I urge you to write down the areas of your life in which you feel clouded. Dig into your uncertainties. I know it’s uncomfortable to feel the hunger of lack of knowledge and comprehension. But you have to be willing to ask the questions if you want to get the clarity. Clarity will come from shedding light on those uncomfortable dark places and  it is beyond satisfying. In fact, I dare say it’s better than chocolate!

A-ASK. There are so many things that God and then angels want to give to you. God is always trying to give you a better life, more love, more wealth, more joy, more more more. God is an ever flowing source of abundance! But in our humanness and free will, we limit His wish for us to live a truly abundant life. We spend all of our time afraid to ask for anything and when we do, it’s usually something meek and limited like, “God just please help me get through this week” or “God, I just need to pay my rent.” We forget who we are talking to. GOD- creator of the cosmos, who knows every strand of hair on your head, can do so much more! YOU- who are created in His image, His child, His perfection can so easily forget who you are. Be bold, be brave, and ask for miracles. Ask for full recoveries. Ask for the love of your life, for a big raise, for anything and everything you can think of. Because if you’re thinking it, and you desire it, that means that God is okay with you having it. Trust that your healthy thoughts, ideas, and desires are being put into your heart by Him so that you’ll ASK already! It feels empowering to just straight up ask for what you want- to finally admit the deep desires of your soul. It’s sweeter than cotton candy, my friends! Liberate your dreams, put them into His hands, and watch your life unfold in the juiciest ways!

N-NO PROCRASTINATING. As I said, it’s the last month of a completion year. There is no more time to sit on your laurels. You’ve run out of excuses, you’ve run out the clock. Now you had better get to work! Okay, so this was the exact talk I gave myself the other morning as I was hesitating on my writing. Never before in my life have I personally been up against such a procrastination wall as I have been this past couple of months. My own fears have been anchoring me and so I understand if you are going through a similar issue. But here’s the deal. We just can’t afford to stay stuck, to be inactive, and to hermit ourselves in bed in a pink fuzzy robe binging on Gilmore Girls. (Again, obviously more self-coaching here, and that reference to my robe is for all my Snapchat viewers!) The anxiety that comes from procrastinating while feeling the pull to complete things is such an ugly feeling. You know what feels better? Standing up to the laziness and doing it anyway. Trust me; there isn’t enough chocolate covered liquor that can make you feel as satisfied as overcoming stagnation.

D-DAILY GOALS. This right here is probably the most important thing to do starting TODAY, December 1^st (or whenever you happen to read this) and I think it will help with the subject in the last paragraph. Just for this month, ditch your 5 year plan, your broad spectrum vision board, and get minuscule. Get detailed. Make a commitment to create a list for yourself every single morning of this month and check it off as the day progresses. I’ll tell you one thing; lists have saved my life, career, mothering, and relationships. Whenever I feel scattered and unproductive, it is usually because I haven’t made myself a list of goals, priorities, and tasks. I think this could be the most productive month of your life if you can do just this one thing. Think about the sense of accomplishment you could amaze yourself with on January 1- you’d be happier than a glazed doughnut on the conveyor belt at Krispy Kreme!

Y- YES. My favorite word. Say it- right now. Out loud, just say “Yes.” Feels good doesn’t it? Feels like a box of chocolates right? Who knows what you’re going to get when you just SAY YES?!?! This month, say yes to things you would normally say no to. I’m talking about saying YES the invites to go out and do things you’ve been afraid to do. I’m talking about saying YES to compliments that people give to you. Say YES to that thing you’ve wanted to buy for yourself. Say YES to the conversation you’ve been meaning to have. Say YES to the thing you know you’re going to eventually say YES to, but you’re putting it off because you’re scared. Say YES to new confidence. Say YES to new ideas. Sign up for the class, plan the trip, wear the outfit, (you know the one!) put yourself out there like you never have before. Because one thing is for sure, as we wrap up the past- there are sure to be new opportunities and adventures waiting for you to finally say YES to. And I know that 2017 is a door to new better and greater things that you will definitely want to say YES to. Mmmmmm such a yummy little bag of goodies here, right?!?!?!?

I want you all to know that I think about you. I consider you. I ask myself constantly what you need and what I can give to you. I also want you to know that I don't give you advice that I myself am not willing to try. Every single item on this list is something I'm implementing in my own life-- I am on this journey with you! 

I hope that you will say YES to my CANDY and make this month remarkable for yourself. Enjoy this time of sweet goodbyes. Honor the closing of this chapter by giving it the best goodbye tour your life has ever seen. Really make it special, yummy, juicy, and satisfying. Then when our new chapter begins on January 1^st, I have no doubt that we’ll all be ready with big happy childlike wonder and chocolate smeared all over our face from celebrating what was, what has been, and what will never be again.

So much love, angel blessings, and all that good stuff!

Self Love and Care Doesn’t Just Stop Because of the Holidays

I really consider a healthy lifestyle a form of self love. Of course, it took me a while to change my thinking- since I equated sugar, fat, and bread with self love. This was probably due to the fact that growing up, that’s what my family ate on Sundays and special occasions. But once I started to understand that while my mind perceived these foods as “loving foods,” my body was suffering. This contradiction created discord between my mind and body. Having my body, mind, and spirit in alignment with my actions is a priority in my life and so I had to really work on listening to my body for what it really perceived as loving foods which was really healthier foods. Now days, my comfort foods have drastically changed and I have the same loving feelings when I eat them because my perception about what comfort food really is has changed.

With that being said, now we are heading into the holidays and it seems to be the popular time to let ourselves go. All the work we’ve been doing throughout the year goes out the window so that we can all feel guilty January 1 and make resolutions to be better human beings. I’m happy to say that I have been off of that whole”indulge à guilt à change à  indulge” cycle for quite some time. And again, I have to attribute it to the fact that what feels good to me may not for many people and vice versa. It doesn’t feel good and loving to gorge myself with too much food. It doesn’t feel good and loving to smear my plate with sugary treats. It doesn’t feel good and loving to drink alcohol, skip out on sleep, or to stop working out.

But what does feel good to me is continuing my path of self love and care. There is never a good reason to stop loving yourself. The holidays just aren’t a good enough reason- so don’t use them anymore. If you are more committed to feeling good and filled with love, energy, and happiness, it might be easier for you to make decisions in the moment based on that commitment.

So it’s not about shame, it’s not about missing out or being sad about what you can’t have. Hell, I’ll probably enjoy a piece of pumpkin pie myself. But I know that I’ll stop eating when it doesn’t feel like I’m not loving or appreciating myself anymore. I know I’ll push the plate away when it doesn’t support my commitment to care for myself.

I think that a lot of our habits and cycles can change when we learn how to love ourselves enough. There are still things in my life that come up and I have to check myself and say, “oh, here’s an area where I’m not showing myself love.” Or, “oops, this hurt/pain/craving  is coming up because I need self care.”  But one thing I know is that if I can do this, you can too. This season, be committed to your self love and care. Don’t use the holidays as an excuse to abuse your body. You’ll notice that as you enter the New Year with less guilt and more energy, you’ll be ahead of those who overindulged. You’ll notice a difference as you continue on your spiritual path with one less road block to deal with. That will lead you to a healthy sense of self trust, pride and appreciation. And no pie will ever feel as good as that!

Remember

I know I’m different, quirky, and quite possibly crazy. I am not average. I am not normal. I was never made to live in the mundane world living a mediocre life. And this whole fitting in thing is like wearing dirty underwear for too long. It doesn’t feel good and I want to take them off and burn them.

But for now I am called to put on the uniform, tame my hair, and buckle my seat belt. For now I am called to sit in traffic with a Starbucks coffee and wonder about world affairs and stocks. For now it is all gray, ice, concrete, and mountains of paperwork and busywork.

That is until I remember.

I remember that I’m special. I’m extraordinary. I have been custom built for this shit. I remember whose masterpiece I am, who places me on royal pedestals and tells me to keep my pretty head held high because He is my Father and I am just like Him.

I remember who I am in love with, and who loves me and color is brought back into my world. This is mysticism. This is spirituality at its peak. This is God keeping my head straight. 

Breakthrough Coming

Today I became unequivocally aware that a breakthrough is coming into my life. I can sense a sudden burst of God’s goodness in my heart. Not a small little trickle, not a little pat on the head, no. I KNOW that a flood of God’s love and power is coming for me. I am expecting to be completely and utterly overwhelmed in God’s rapture and dumbfounded by His blessings. It’s coming….. Now THIS is spiritual self esteem! 

Rawness

“The only thing I know how to do is love you” she whispered softly from a tear stained face and into an empty room. She was on her knees and she was praying.

“I don’t know how to parent, I don’t know how to date, I don’t even know how to do my hair.” God was listening intently and He could hear her every word.

“The world thinks I have it all together, but I don’t. I don’t have anything in my life together, God. All I have is you. You’re the only thing I’m good at. You’re the only place I feel safe. You’re the only one who hasn’t hurt me, betrayed me, or abandoned me. I love you so much; I just want to be with you.”

It was then she felt His hands begin to mend her broken wing. This he could do in an instant- but her heart would take time. 

Yes This

She always loved the wind in her hair but not too much- that would mess it up. It was the mild and intentional wind that would comb out the old stuck energy. She was also a fan of the kind of breeze that softly caressed her cheeks and whispered sweet nothings into her ears. “Yes, this” she would say to the air. “This is how I like it.” 

Feeling Old

Today I’m feeling old. I get disappointed because I thought I’d be further ahead in life, married in a beautiful house by the sea and enjoying my grown up years doing grown up things. I don’t feel like a grown up, sometimes I feel like I’m struggling with the same things my son struggles with. But then I have to remember that it is never too late to accomplish what God has placed in my heart. I know that God is a God of completion, and I just know that He wouldn’t let things sit in my heart without fully intending to bring them to pass.

God, help me to stop feeling like a disappointment. Remind me that you are preparing me for my accomplishments and that I have not lived my best years yet- that those are still to come. Remind me that I am never too late- that I am right on time, in Your time and that I have not missed any opportunities that you with your mercy wouldn’t bring to my door again and again and again. You see my disappointments; you know I wish things were different. Please restore my faith in the process of life so that I can relax into your Will and my Destiny. Help me to shake off my discouragements and self judgments so that I can create a fresh new vision of my life- the one you would have me live- the one where I’m the happiest. Console me with the reminder that I can still become everything you created me to be! My dreams are still alive, I still have time, and as long as  You are with me, I know I’ll get to where I am supposed to be!

Ya, sometimes you just gotta pray and get over it. 

Fairy Faith

When I moved into this townhouse in Pleasant Grove, the first thing I noted was how bare the little yard was. It is simple with a white plastic fence, half concrete for a patio table, and half grass. I wondered where on earth all my fairies would hang out. You see, the place we lived before had nice thick and heavy foliage; bushes, trees, and my favorite feature- a vegetable garden.

I had grown more things out of that little square garden than my neighbors could fathom. They would peer over the fence in awe and jealousy at my vines of cucumbers and squash, my bushes of spinach and Brussels. My towers of tomatoes and peas, the list goes on and on. Every year they were astounded at how much produce I was able to harvest- little did they know that my relationship to nature had been cultivated from the time I was a little girl talking to trees and laughing with insects. It is always pure enjoyment to laugh with the fae at anyone who just can’t figure out my gardening magic.

I assumed my nature spirits would follow me to this new place, but instantly felt guilty for wanting them to once I realized how dull and small their new yard would be. My cats weren’t too impressed either. They were used to being able to roam the neighborhood and nearby orchards. This place was inside of a city of fences, cars, and danger so I decided not to let my cats out. This didn’t go over so well, and they complained for 3 weeks straight. I have told myself that this place is only temporary and that we can all just make due until I can find us a better home. It was an unsettled feeling at first, I wondered how we would all do in such a mundane place. But that’s when the magic happened.

If you don’t believe in fairies, I truly hope that this story will convince you. Because there’s nothing more exciting than just letting yourself believe… even if it’s for a few minutes.

One morning as I was enjoying the sun in my little boxed in back yard, I happened to notice a lot of weeds had begun to spring up throughout the grass and along the fence. I made a mental note to pull them when I had time- an agreement I had made with the landlord. However, time got away from me and a few days after that, I realized that the weeds looked quite peculiar. They were twisty like vines. I wondered what kind of weed it was- but only for a moment before my thoughts took me away from it and more time went on. A few days after that, I could see that the weeds were intertwining along the edge of the fence, like they were all joined together by one root. Mind you, by now the weeds had spread along more than half the length of the fence. I looked along the fence line and found one place where they all seemed to be coming from. Sure enough, it was some strange vine that was coming out from under our fence. I jumped up onto a chair to look for what must be on the other side crawling through. But to my amazement, all I saw was rocks and gravel. No green stuff anywhere. So, I decided to give it a few more days before pulling it.

About a week went by before I was able to go out and really inspect the vine. By now it had grown into my patio and was taking over one of the chairs. It began to sprout yellow blossoms and the leaves looked like some sort of vegetable plant. It was then I realized this was no weed. As big as it was becoming, I knew it had to be taking over the other side of the fence so I looked over to the other side only to see the same barren scene I had seen before. I took a walk around the complex and peered over fence after fence. No one grew anything special, there were no vines anywhere like this one.

Within another week, the blossoms turned into huge yellow flowers that eventually formed into little gourd looking things. As soon as I realized what was happening I began to cry and my heart understood. My fairies had come with me after all, and they were making my yard just as magical as my last one! This was pumpkin vine! Out of nowhere! And just in time for Halloween! I let the vines take over the entire patio. We had little green pumpkins suspended in mid air hanging from under the table and chairs. The whole scene was a complete and utter mystery to everyone who saw it. My landlord confirmed that pumpkins had never grown there before. I too was dumbfounded- of all things I had grown over the years, pumpkins were never anything I had thought about planting. And yet there I was, like Cinderella waiting for her stagecoach to grow, I watched magic happen right before my eyes.  

Imagine had I pulled up those “weeds,” I would have missed the whole thing! My fairies knew I needed a magical pumpkin vine. I needed to know they were here with me, and making the best of it like we all are. That vine changed my entire attitude towards living here and it brought my faith back to life.

You might be asking yourself why things like that don’t happen for you. The fairies say that things like that happen all the time! We just don’t see it. We pull the weeds out before we know what’s happening- we discard the magic before it reveals itself. I highly suggest to just believe. It doesn’t hurt anything. Because when you believe, you’ll let things grow. You’ll know there’s a possibility of magic happening at any time and so you’ll look for it and you allow it to happen. If I can wake up to a pumpkin patch in the middle of the city, crawling out from nowhere- imagine what they could do for you! We all deserve a little magic!

Coming Home Was The Best Thing

There is literally no reason why I got this job. On paper, I am not qualified, experienced, or even educated. Never before in my life have I been so aware of God’s power. I am seeing an explosion of His influence in this world like never before and it is wildly apparent to me that He is my boss, He hired me, and He will ensure I am taken care of. God has the final say, and when he does no man can argue.

God, I know you have a great plan for my life- you are directing my steps. I don’t understand your ways, but I know that you are working out every detail and every factor in my favor. Even though I cannot grasp exactly what you are doing, it feels like you’re moving mountains for me and this leaves me feeling humbled at your feet. And I know you don’t want me at your feet- you want me in your arms, at your chest, by your side. It’s just that here in my blind humanness, I can’t help but to want to worship you every second of the day for what you’re doing for me. I can’t thank you enough, God. Coming home to you was the best thing I ever did.

Just For Today

No matter what, I will never prefer the company of concrete walls and sad little cubicles over the sunshine that streams into my kitchen window warming my sleeping kitty. But just for today, I can open the blinds a little and watch the dust particles dance in front of me like fireflies and the fae. 

First Day Of Work- The Spider Story

My intention is to bring you the inside scoop and behind the scenes of what it’s like to be a modern mystic in the corporate world. Many of you will relate to my stories, a few of you will learn something, and some of you might just be entertained.  No matter why you read this blog, you are sure to get the real run down on what it's like to live a magical life in a mundane world.

On my first day of work as an undercover mystic pretending to be a corporate sales woman, I was just sitting down to attend my first official meeting when the secretary of the office let out a deathly scream. Everyone jumped up and ran to see what happened. There she stood shaken and flustered pointing down at a huge spider. People began entertaining their own reactions moving about to save the situation, but for me time stood completely still. Everyone around me faded away and I cocked my head to the side to meet the spiders gaze. In our own little silent conversation, I understood this beautiful creature to be a weaver of destiny and dreams. An artist of silk and satin so fine that no human machine could ever mimic. I felt her creative juices, her strength to survive. I sensed the killer in her- to feed and sustain herself. I felt pride swell up in my heart as she knew her superiority over us when it came to artistic endeavors and survival. This private conversation was interrupted by the jolting realization that someone was about to end her life.

“Stop!” I yelled. “Stop what you are doing.” My eyes shifted from the spider to a man holding a rolled up file folder- his weapon of choice. He froze, stunned by the queenly tone in my voice. I moved gracefully to sweetly pick the spider up into my bare hands. Her body felt completely foreign to my skin. It was both exciting and exhilarating.

“Everything is okay, I’ve got you now.” I whispered reverently to the spider who stood still and trusting in the palm of my hand. I glided out of the office and into the fresh outside where I placed spider into nearby grass. We nodded and then I got up to return.

It was only then when I realized the scene I had made. I looked down at the ground in embarrassment, realizing that people outside of my world simply do not act that way. I took in a deep breath and made my way back inside, ready to explain myself- but not before catching a glimpse of my reflection in the glass doors that brought me back inside. I hesitated as my reflection showed a corporate woman in a dark pant suit, hair tied up in a bun, heels on point. I felt a tug at my heart for the days of sexy sleeveless shirts and braids. This will take some getting used to- I told myself.

Everyone had gone back to their business by the time I made my way back into the office. Everyone that is, except for the secretary who glared hot hellish eyes at me. I couldn’t help but to smile at her- she kind of looked a little witchy.

Nothing more was said, at least not to my face, which put me at ease. It was hard enough being the new girl, and being new to this world. Having to explain myself would be grueling.

The next morning as I was walking into the building, something shiny caught my attention in the bush near the entrance. I walked over to investigate. What I saw took my breath away. It was the absolute most gorgeous spider web I had ever seen adorned with morning dew the shined like diamonds! And right off to the side of her masterpiece stood proudly the spider I had saved. 

“You must know that diamonds are a girls best friend.” I said receiving her gift. I turned to walk inside and just for a moment my reflection showed my long wild hair and bare feet.

It will take some time getting used to this new life. It’s a different kind of jungle, with different predators. I am not surprised that my first friend is an eight legged artist and I’m delighted that magic has found me in the most unlikely of places. 

Why I stopped Eating Meat Again

My intention is to bring you the inside scoop and behind the scenes of what it’s like to be a modern mystic in the corporate world. Many of you will relate to my stories, a few of you will learn something, and some of you might just be entertained.  No matter why you read this blog, you are sure to get the real run down on what it's like to live a magical life in a mundane world.

Over a decade ago, I was guided to change my eating habits to a very clean, organic, vegetarian diet. One of the things I noticed right off the bat was how clear my mind became. In fact, I attribute my vegetarian lifestyle to helping my intuitive gifts expand and develop. What I know now is that people are more sensitive than they realize. When I’m doing readings, one of the most common requests from many of my client’s angels is to improve their diet, and sometimes they guide my clients to stop eating meat- even if it’s just for a period of time so that the body can detox and rid itself of animal byproduct, fat, and hormones.  This isn't such a crazy idea. Its common knowledge these days that we ingest way too many animals and not enough plants. Balance is often required if you want to stay healthy and have good energy.

For me personally, the decision to quit meat was not initially a benevolent one. I had a series of kidney stones and after some analysis; we determined that my body wasn’t breaking down protein very well. If you’ve ever had a kidney stone, you would know that if there’s any way not to ever go through the pain and agony of it again- you’ll do what ever it takes! So I stopped eating meat, started taking enzymes to help my body break down proteins, and opted for easy to digest proteins in plant based forms. I’ve never had a kidney stone since. 

Fast forward years later, I found myself in a relationship with someone who depended heavily on meat for their main source of protein and added to that, I was feeling burned out with my diet. I felt like it would be okay to start eating it again here and there sparingly.  Things were going great for me with my meat diet until I started this new job.

You see, until I started working in the corporate world, I was a stay at home entrepreneur. I wasn’t out among large groups of people very often, and so my sensitivity seemed less. I just wasn’t bumping up against much contrast in my life. However, now that I’m putting on the pant suits and having to deal with office politics, I feel more contrast than ever. In the first couple weeks at a new office, I found myself almost feeling hyper sensitive and I wondered if I would be able to really make it out in the “real world.”

After a long tear filled drive home one day, I got on my knees and prayed for guidance. The answer was short and to the point. “Stop eating meat.”

Right then, I was reminded of something that my mentor and teacher Doreen Virtue has taught over the years. When we eat meat, we ingest the animals energy. Most animals on their way to slaughter are filled with anxiety, fear, and helplessness. Being sensitive people- I truly believe this affects us. If you don’t believe me, stop eating it for a couple weeks and you’ll see what I mean about feeling more peaceful. Apparently, I was able to handle the animals energy when my life was slower and I was home not faced with daily stress. However, now I’m in a different lifestyle and it’s too much. Not only was I directed to stop eating meat, but I was also guided to stop indulging in other unhealthy foods. By the time I was done praying, I had a clear knowing about what I could do to decrease my stress levels. I put on my running shoes and jogged over to our little gym and gave myself a good sweat. Just working out gave me a great stress detox and I was ready to renew my eating habits.

It’s only been a week and a half of no meat and increasing healthy foods and I’m feeling SO MUCH BETTER! I seriously cannot believe the difference. In fact, I am so detached from the drama at work that it barely phases me at all. It’s like I have a new pep in my step and I am more confident than ever that I can do this job! I’ve kept up my cardio as much as possible, and have started doing yoga at night. It is literally a night and day difference.

I have to wonder how much of our daily stress has to do with what we are putting in our bodies.  If you’re reading this and wondering that same thing, I urge you to follow your own guidance to change your diet habits and see what happens. We all live in a stressful world. The answer to my prayer gave me the power to change what I can to reduce as much stress as possible. I think this makes the rest of the stress manageable. It’s really all we can do, right? We can change what we can so we can deal with what we can’t change. I can’t change the fact that I’m a sensitive person, or that my boss is being bullied by his boss and I feel his pain. I can’t change the fact that I choose to live with an open heart, and that a lot of people are rude to me when I’m trying to sell to them. God didn’t come down to change everybody’s world because I was uncomfortable; But He gave me the insight, strength, and courage to change it myself so that I can continue to learn and grow. That’s why I love Him. That’s why I love my relationship with Him, and that’s why I love being a modern mystic in this crazy world!

Until next week!   

A Corporate Mystic

For anyone on a spiritual path, the words "Mystic" and "Corporate" may not seem to mesh very well. Truthfully, as someone who has practiced a spiritual path for over 20 years (and I say "practice" with much emphasis), going into the corporate world seems about as sensible as selling solar powered flashlights to miners.

It's something I had to do though. Prayers don't necessarily pay bills. Neither do self published books and angel readings. I'm just being transparent here. Until my own personal brand takes off, I'm going to have to ditch the flowers in my hair, pull it up in a bun, and somehow relearn how to interact with the muggle world.

Was this an easy decision to make? Yes. The opportunity basically fell into my lap and I am grateful for it. In fact, I would say that the dynamics of the opportunity were indeed Divine. Was it a hard decision to make? Yes. I'd be lying if I said I haven't cried my way home from the office a few times.  Being a sensitive person, it's hard not to feel everyone's stress on top of my own. I'm not used to the politics. I miss my home office, my mornings with my pets, and I miss the ability to focus 100% on my life's purpose. Now I have a boss and it's weird. He's a super nice guy thank goodness. And I have a really fun team of coworkers who think my knowledge of astrology and angels is really cool. There are some definite perks to this new job besides the really great pay like the fact that I only really have to be in the office 2 days a week. It's an outside sales position and so I'm in charge of my schedule and my entrepreneurial spirit is definitely happy about that.

However today I sit here- only 30 days after being hired- in my own humanness feeling sad. I can't help but to wonder why the things I've worked so hard on over the years haven't taken off. For the first time in my life I'm starting to question if they ever will. Perhaps God is looking out for me by giving me this job. Or perhaps there is more for me to learn about this world that I so passionately want to help. Maybe I'm being called to be out in the corporate trenches to be an example of love and light in obscure places. I'd like to think that maybe all of those reasons are at play. But to be honest I don't know much right now. Hence the mystery of life that we all face, right?

Here's what's in it for you. I've decided that I'm going to give my blog some massive attention throughout my journey. I already have a few really good stories under my belt that I'm excited to share with you. If anything, perhaps my readers will begin to relate to me more as I- like so many of you- struggle with the balance of being a spiritual being in a not so spiritual world. Maybe watching me face the daily challenges with the willingness to stand in my truth will be inspiring. Or maybe watching me fall flat onto my socially awkward face will make you laugh. No matter how this plays out, I invite you to come along with me. I promise to be raw, honest, and continue to be transparent. Allow me to share with you this Corporate Mystics story as it unfolds....

Love Has Won

“Love has already won.

Fear is just being a sore loser.”

These are the exact words I heard yesterday while laying under the enormous pine trees in my favorite nearby park. I was trying to watch the rainy clouds float across the sky through my tear filled eyes. Moments earlier, I was t home sitting at my desk staring at my book on Amazon for the first time. I wasn’t prepared for the emotions I would feel once it was official. In fact, I was nowhere near prepared for the amount of fear, insecurity, and self beat up that accompanied my supposed glory moment. It was as if all of my fears had sat behind a mental wall just waiting for the perfect time to jump out and torment me. Up until that moment, I was beginning to think that those fears no longer existed. Oh but they are there alright. And the downward spiral I took upon their onslaught found me jumping up from my desk, finding my iPod, and walking to the park to somehow make sense of what I was thinking:

“The book isn’t perfect; there are mistakes all throughout it.” “No one is going to like it, it doesn’t make any sense.” “The introduction is too long; I’ve lost my audience within the first few pages.” “Who am I to write a book? I’m not important enough.” “What if I wrote something wrong? What if I wrote something that offends someone? What if it isn’t good enough? What if I’ve let the angels down? What if I’ve let myself down? What am I doing?”

This is the psychotic nature of fear. To you, I am sure none of the above statements make sense. But to the parts of me that still remain unhealed, they unfortunately made perfect sense. I found a lonely spot at the park, sat down on the moist grass, and began to pray. I breathed in and out deeply and allowed the emotions to surface and the tears to fall until they faded away. I understood that these fears were the result of my past that still remains wounded-The little girl inside of me who feels misunderstood, unheard, and unimportant. The teenager within me who feels abandoned, judged, and unworthy of anyone’s love. The young single mother who is still on her knees begging for God's approval. Yes, these wounds still arise after all of this time, and after all of my attempts to heal them completely. They still arise in times of big changes and leaps of faith. Once I realized where all of these fears were coming from, I knew what to do.

I listened to the small voice inside of me who was afraid of being judged and comforted her. I reassured the lost and lonely parts of myself. I reminded myself of the times I have felt God’s love, and the unbelievably strong supportive friends and loved ones who surround me today. I wondered as I gave myself the love I felt I was lacking, if it would always be like this. Do some wounds really heal or do we just get better at understanding and having compassion for ourselves? I decided it didn’t matter. The truth is that there are parts of me who are still scared and they cry for love when the fear gets to be too much. I’ve learned how to love myself during these times.

I laid down looking up to the sky, feeling better but very raw and vulnerable. Still breathing deeply, I closed my eyes and listened to the sweet familiar voice that was making it’s way through my ears and into my beating heart. “You’ve already done it, sweetheart. The book is done. It’s out there. Love has already won. Fear is just being a sore looser.”

“Thank you, angels,” I heard myself whisper back.

As a soft smile began to curl upon my face, an instrumental version of “Let it Be” began play through my ear buds. I silently sang along, “let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be. Whispering words of wisdom let it be.”

Our fears do not come out to torment us. I am clear that they rise to be healed, to be loved, to be understood. For me, I just have to continue knowing who I am and Whos’ I am. I have to stay aware of who walks by my side. Love has already won. It’s just a matter of believing.

I am clear.

Why I Did It

I did it.

Three words I’ve been waiting 6 months to say! I can’t believe I did it, but I did it! I wrote a book and published it!!! If I can be perfectly honest with you, seeing the package on my doorstep today was something I’ll remember for the rest of my life. And the feeling of carefully and reverently opening the package- as if there was a tiny sleeping baby inside- is a moment that will live in my heart forever. This has been a process that has changed me in ways I hope to relay to you in my upcoming blogs.

Speaking of blogging, I can’t wait to get back to it! I loved writing my Motivational Monday’s last year. To tell you the truth, I probably needed those blogs more than anyone. The winter was hard for me. I suffer with seasonal depression and really don’t do well in the cold darkness of winter. Getting up in the mornings was hard, but the motivational tips really helped me. This is just one of many reasons we have been working to move to Southern California. Now, as the sun has returned and spring has blossomed here in Utah, I feel my creative juices and cheerful energy return. Getting back to the grid and connecting to you is a pleasure that I look forward to.

Lately, I’ve felt a softening come over me when it comes to my writing, you may see a difference in my upcoming blogs. My second book (that I’m starting next month) will have a very feminine tone to it and so my writing will most likely reflect that. I’ll be picking a phrase such as “My world is a beautiful, safe place to live” and write about how implementing that mantra into your life is beneficial. I will include more personal stories and experiences and focus on connecting and having fun with you. It’s going to be great!

I’d really like to share a tender moment that happened after the initial excitement of holding my own book. I was sitting in my car and it was raining. I began to have a heartfelt conversation with the Archangels. I was telling them that I really hope I did a good job representing them in the book. I began to feel a little nervous about the content, and prayed that it was good enough. I find it interesting that throughout this whole process I have not been 100% clear on exactly why I wanted to write it. I had the idea in the middle of the night back in November. I immediately took action with the idea and it became my baby for the next 6 months. But my “why” hasn’t been a factor until today when I realized I had no idea why I did this. I didn’t write it to make money, or to become famous. I didn’t write it to preach my opinion on angels or any sort of dogma. I sat there dumbfounded that my reasoning was so hazy and in the confusion, insecurities and anxieties began to creep in.

Then all of the sudden my thoughts turned into memories. The past 20 years of wondering if they existed, searching for myself, for answers. The many times I felt touched by their presence, moments where their wings literally lifted me out of a certain hell. Memories flashed through my mind of times when I needed them and they were there- the holy moments of their undeniable presence guiding me, comforting me, nudging me to be better, stronger, and to open my heart. Moments of healing, letting go, growing, forgiving...they have always been there. Within this moment of remembrance, I felt tears begin to stream down my face, matching the rain outside and my “why” suddenly became crystal clear. I love the angels. I love them so much! Writing a book and spreading their wisdom and love to the world is only a small fraction of how I could possibly repay them for what they done for me. I wrote this book simply and sweetly because I love them. Love is my “why” and that is why I know you will be touched by the book. I know that somewhere inside of the pages, there will be a sentence, a paragraph, or maybe a chapter that will touch you because that is what love does.

May my love and devotion for the angels carry you through the pages of my book. May it carry my book far and wide. And may we all strive to know the angels, accept them into our lives, and be more like them. This is the world I am here to help create.

I am clear.

Stay tuned for my next blog coming soon!