Search This Blog

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Honestly...

Very often in our lives we are faced with having to be brutally honest with people.  Some of us will shy away from this opportunity, fearing conflict or reaction.  Others seemingly stand up to the plate with no fear.  However you feel about giving the hard honest truth to someone, it’s never really easy.  Yet, keeping your words to yourself can be extremely unhealthy.  We know that stress causes dis-ease, and when we are feeling the strain from not speaking up, our bodies may speak up for us! When we cut ourselves off from speaking truth, we begin to carry a burden that manifests itself physically.  We might feel strain on our shoulders and neck, we might get headaches, or if it’s something we really need to get off our chest, we may even develop a cold or flu symptoms. 

Here are some things to consider when it’s time to speak up.
  • What is your true motive?  Get CLEAR. Set your intention.  The secret to holding your own in a difficult conversation is to be completely clear about where you're coming from and what point you are making. If your goal is to honor yourself and the other person, your words will come across that way.  If it is to punish, judge, or hurt, your words will land quite differently and will not lead a productive conversation.
  • Stick to the point and try not to get sidetracked. Very often during difficult conversations, we get sucked into our history. Deal with the issue at hand and stay present.
  • Do a dry run.  Ask a trustworthy friend to rehearse with you and give you honest feedback. Or type out your point and reread it from another persons point of view. Ask yourself how you would like someone to speak honestly with you.
  • Be direct and keep it uncomplicated.  Start the discussion with a headline like, “I’m feeling concerned about…”
  •  Never blame the other person for your feelings.  In truth, no one can make you feel anything you don’t want to.  Being accountable for your feelings will help them feel less defensive.
  • What you wish for yourself, wish for the other person.  If you are communicating to this person because you want a sense of peace and because you are honoring your own feelings, keep in mind that this person deserves the same thing. 
  • Remember that when it comes to being honest, the best way to communicate your feelings is to talk about your own experience of the situation. Nobody likes to be told how they feel, how they should feel, or what to do.  In fact, anytime you say the word "should" you are putting the other person on the defense by acting like you know more about themselves than they do. The only thing you really know is your own experience. Be accountable for that experience by changing what is necessary within yourself in order to feel peace. It is never really up to anyone else to change in any way for you. 
  • Always stay calm if the other person gets defensive, and try to see their point of view while standing your ground regarding your own clarity. Be open to hearing their side and perhaps you will learn something. 
  • Try to convey unconditional acceptance of the person while giving honest feedback of your experience. If you keep that in mind, the other person will most likely feel safe enough to talk things through with you.  

 By saying what you need to say, you honor yourself and keep tension from your body and mind.  Speaking up is the healthy thing to do.  If you want more information about getting clear, visit my website www.clarityistheway.com 
Thanks for reading!
Crystal Doty

No comments:

Post a Comment