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Tuesday, September 11, 2018

The Return


Once again, I find myself sitting in front of a blank screen with nothing to write. I'm not surprised. Writers block is not an unknown territory for me. In fact I've become accustomed- almost expecting it. For almost two years, I have been sitting on my second book, "What Would Goddess Do?" For the past year I have ignored this blog. I've questioned whether or not I am even a writer, or if my creative flow has permanently turned off . More times than not, my inspiration for writing eludes me, leaving me barren, empty, and thoughtless. It's been a confusing couple of years when it comes to my creativity and this blank screen has been a bright black whole of frustration, embarrassment, and shame.

But then come these moments. Small, sweet, sparkly moments of seeming magic that find me in the midst of an exhale, or in sunbeams between leaves while walking through a forest. For the past few months now I feel something calling me back into myself, my sweet joyful, playful self. I have followed this call even though it has made no logical sense at all. I spent the entire summer traveling, trying new foods, moving my body in new ways like learning Tango, Tribal Belly Dancing, Aireal Yoga, paddle boarding, and more.

I dedicated this summer to chasing the feeling of JOY. For the first time of my life I found myself single and able to do things I have never had the opportunity to do. My kids are older, I am wiser, and manically trying new things seemed to be a better option than a having a pre-midlife crisis. The lesson at the end of the day was always that in finding my joy, I was finding my passion for life again, my connection to the Divine, and therefore my will to create. At first it seemed really petty and irresponsible to do all of the things I was doing and spend so much time "just having fun." It was hard to justify becoming so happy when I thought I was supposed to be at home stressing out over finances and the weight of being a single mother all alone in a great big world. That is until I started really exploring this great big world. You know what? It's not so bad. It's actually a blast. And you know what follows joy? Money. Success. Beauty. Companionship. And a whole bunch of other stuff that is freaking amazing. Who knew? I thought joy came after all the hard work had been done in a retirement home at 80 years old surrounded by my legacy and posterity. But I found that by following the feeling of joy NOW, it was the other way around. This summer I have been the most successful in my career than I have ever been. And I am having the time of my life. If I could sum up this entire year, it would be that "success follows joy." 

And then there is this deck of cards (The Modern Mystic Tarot that you see me using on my weekly Facebook Live). I am attempting to manufacture, print, and eventually teach a whole new way of reading Tarot. The slowest project of my life! To those of you who have been waiting and cheering me on from the sidelines, you  have no idea how much your interest, excitement, and anticipation helps me. You are the reason I've come this far with it. I can't wait to have the deck in your hands!

In fact, you- yes YOU, reading this right now have become my greatest driving force. The messages you send me leave me feeling like I really do have a purpose in this world. Like everything I've been through has been for a greater reason. That up until now, life has been deepening me, expanding me, widening me, and guiding me through a mystical journey so that I could be someone who helps others through it. Your journey brings me joy because I know the outcome. You're going to be okay. I say that confidently because if I can journey onward through my own hell, so can you. In fact, let's do it together. 

As the words have finally flowed from my heart and onto this page, I think about what the future is for this blog. I am a modern mystic who has a message. It's a message from my own journey which might be very similar to yours and if it's not, my hope is that it still inspire you. If you are feeling the calling into spirituality, trust me when I say that it is indeed a calling into your joy. Go where you feel the relief from your burdens, go where you feel the most loved. Let your inner mystic guide you. I'll meet you here and we'll talk about it. I'll see you soon.

5 comments:

  1. Sounds much like an earlier version of myself at your age ... 63 now and mostly content and at peace with my life.
    Loved reading your words ♥

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    1. Thank you! I am so happy you are enJOYing your life!! <3

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  2. I am becoming more light and playful and joyful too!

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  3. I can’t tell you how many times you have lifted my spirits when I needed it through your Facebook live. You are this tiny little fireball who’s energy is contagious. Thank you for being a light in this world!

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