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Monday, October 26, 2015

The Downtime

2008, 7 years ago- I had rushed into an unhealthy high drama relationship right after a divorce. I was also starting a new business with 2 business partners- an experience I was very unfamiliar with and tested my confidence, self worth, and skills on a daily basis. I was all over the place. I wasn’t eating, I wasn’t sleeping, I lived on coffee, and I was stressed out over time and money. I felt pulled in a thousand directions. In my mind, I thought that as long as I was going through the “right” motions that I was doing fine. Get up, put on the heels and make up, smile, go to work, pay bills, make sure everyone is happy, etc… that it was enough. It wasn’t until a very sudden and unexpected series of panic attacks 3 years later that would debilitate me for hours and sometimes days that I began to question the way I was choosing to live my life.  I had to face the fact that I no longer wanted to do what I was doing- in any area of my life. I was unhappy at work, I was stressed out at home, I felt like a terrible mother because I was spread so thin between a failing business that I secretly hated and other peoples drama, my body was constantly sore even though I wasn’t working out, and my priorities were completely upside down but I felt lost as to how to reorganize the mess I was in. At the time, I didn’t yet have the tools to understand the signs and symptoms of burn out. The panic attacks were a sign that my body was crying out for rest. My mind was crying for silence. My heart was crying for healing. Where does one find the reset button?

The secret that was missing from my life that completely helped me to shift and reorganize myself was within some essential and much avoided downtime. I believe we live in a society that expects us to be 100% all of the time. When we constantly push ourselves way past our limits, we end up becoming less productive, hence the need to unnecessarily work harder to fix things we messed up in our tired and stressed out state. We lack the time and energy to address and make positive changes and the build up from that can become unbearable. Stress causes certain hormones to be released in our body that make us unclear in our minds, over reactive, and cover up emotions that tell us to rest and recover. I think more people are functioning in a burnt out mind-state than we realize. Humans were not meant to be robots or machines. We require downtime.  Without it, we begin to slowly shut down and lose control over our lives.

Some physical symptoms of burn out are sudden weight increase or decrease, increased resting heart rate, headaches, sleep disturbances, irritability and overreactions, dehydration, pain, low immune system and illness, hair loss, nail biting, sugar/food/alcohol/caffeine/drama/& substance addiction, accidents, negativity/worry/fear/panic/anxiety, and poor performance in any or all areas of your life.

Eventually, I had to learn how to listen to my body’s signs and signals that it was time for downtime. We all have cycles and rhythms and I began to learn to recognize when my body was in a down cycle- which just simply means to redirect my focus on receiving to balance the giving. Just like your breath, you are inhaling and exhaling right now- a perfect balance of input and output. If this cycle is disrupted, you fail to live. If your personal cycle of input and output is disrupted, you fail to live as well. Recognizing the need for downtime means that we begin to honor our cycles and admit as individuals and as a culture that it is completely ridiculous and insane to think we will always be 100% without the right breaks. We don’t expect our cars to function without stopping to fill up their gas tanks and make sure the oil is right. Animals don’t naturally push themselves to exhaustion, they innately know that in order to be productive in hunting, they need to rest first. We are no different. As soon as I stopped the insanity, I recovered my life. I replaced the panic attacks with gentle self care. The reset button is worth pushing.  Not only is it normal and okay to say “STOP” and to find your “NO,” it is absolutely imperative to draw healthy boundaries to drama and overexertion.

 Downtime is not “crashing”. Crashing is symptomatic- where we have worked ourselves into an automatic situation where we engage in oversleeping, illness, accidents, or in my case, panic attacks.  Crashing is non productive, there is nothing that rejuvenates or realigns you during a crash. Another form of crashing is engaging an addiction to a stimulant or a sedative.  Neither of which help you to regain the mental clarity and physical capacity to make the necessary changes you’re avoiding. Zoning out on social media or TV is also NOT an effective way to reboot. You may be “resting” however laziness is more of a result from overworking when the pendulum swings in the opposite direction and rarely does anyone feel energetic, clear and ready to take on their lives after a Netflix binge.

Here are the essentials if you want a productive downtime. 
1.       De-stress: Functioning under a constant burden of stress is like trying to fly an airplane with the wheels unlocked and the flaps down. There’s more ‘drag’ and greater resistance against which much of your energy is wasted. De-stressing means that we are deflating or letting go of burdens. Practice just letting go. Either through meditation or through prayer, talking to someone or writing down everything on your mind so that you can “get it out of your head”. In extreme cases of stress, you may even have to leave a situation to detach and let go.
2.       Creativity: Your best ideas often pop-up when you’re most relaxed and in free thinking mode. While working under adverse conditions may provide an adrenaline surge to meet deadlines, it really isn’t a great way to spur creativity. The most successful people I know take time to just daydream and visualize. They lie out in the sun, spend time reading an inspiring book, or just simply gaze out of a widow and daydream. You can also indulge in a creative endeavor like painting, music, or dancing. I recently received a grown up coloring book as a gift, and I love the things I consider and dream about while losing myself in creativity. By the way, daydreaming is NOT worrying. It’s using your imagination to visualize the success or outcome of a project. It promotes relief and rest.
3.       Evaluate and Assess: Taking time to relax lets you review your performance and see how well things are going. What needs adjustment? Is something out of balance? Are you doing what needs to be done? Who can you delegate to? These answers are easier to find while you relax. This honest reassessment time is valuable to your happiness and success as it leads you to make corrections to stress-forming habits and situations.
4.       Celebrate: Taking time in your hectic schedule to break away from work and rejoice in what you’ve accomplished can be a forceful drive to achieve even more. If you can’t do this daily, shoot for at least once a week. And if you can’t find something big to celebrate, celebrate the small ones! Once I was able to list my priorities, it was easy to see where I needed to spend most of my time. It also became easy to accomplish things because I knew I would celebrate and congratulate myself for marking things off of lists and completing tasks. Bringing fun into your day is an essential part of honoring your downtime.
5.       Rejuvenate: While routine creates success and security, a short ‘vacation’ from the hustle and bustle of your typical work-day can help ignite the passion and excitement that got you started and fired you up in the early days. Capture that spirit, in a small way, through relaxing breaks from the routine. Other ways you can rejuvenate are to leave your building for lunch, go for a walk, try something new, take a scenic drive home, get a massage or some sort of pampering, engage in yoga or workout to release stress from your body and rejuvenate your cells. Hydrate!
6.       Honor bedtime: It is crazy to me to think that we can go from watching screens, being in bright lights, and having noise all around us and expect that our systems will just shut down because our head is all of the sudden on a pillow at bedtime. One of the best changes I ever made was to honor the downtime we all need every single night. 30 mins before bedtime turn the screens off and dim the lights. Do things that will inspire sleep like essential oils in a bath, tea, reading (an organic book with pages, not a kindle or tablet), stretching, writing in a journal, and meditation. Allowing a consistent downtime of actual rest and relaxation before bed might just be the best thing you ever do!
7.       “When you get nervous, focus on service”: I love this saying from Doreen Virtue and the angels. Sometimes the best way to honor our downtime is to get out of our own lives, and serve the needs of others. One of the reasons I love my job is that I get to delve into other peoples lives and help them create their own success. Being able to share in other peoples breakthroughs and positive changes really inspires me, it fills my cup, and definitely rejuvenates me.

The point of honoring your downtime is to give you time away from your mundane life so that when you return, you do it with vigor, new insight and ideas, and the energy to be even more productive and successful. Great managers and bosses recognize that overworking employees just doesn’t work.  They will get way more out of the people who work for them when they allow adequate breaks and downtime. You will find the same thing about yourself.  Just as I have implemented downtime into my life, you will also find that you can finally accomplish the things you have been talking about, achieve more than you thought you would, and most of all ENJOY what you are doing and who you are becoming.  Downtime is important; it’s necessary, and life changing.  
What can you do today- RIGHT NOW- to honor your body’s natural cycles? 

Clarity is powerful, you can live a life of grace and ease when you make powerful decisions based on CLARITY!

For more amazing insight through motivational coaching, check out my website at and follow me on your favorite social media sites @clarityistheway.

Join me for my LIVE mid-week Periscope every Wednesday at noon MST.  

Monday, October 19, 2015

The Players in Your Game

His hands are steady and firm against the leathery ball, his breath is heavy and strong. His mind is focused, there is nothing else going on in his world but this one thing. He yells out to his team, like a war cry, and it begins. Everything happens fast, the battle opens, and strategies are executed.   He is looking over a sea of helmets to find an open warrior. Sweat stings his eyes, he has to be on point, dodging danger, relying on his men to keep him safe. Searching… searching…and then finally his warrior is there, open… good God how is he open in this chaos? The man blinks, his focus like a laser beam.  The ball is launched like a torpedo, cutting the air above an ocean of conflict just before he is taken down under the weight of an angry animal who has somehow broken free from his men’s defense. Below the spinning weapon, the clashing of titans, the fervent unyielding determination of giants and heroes brings a stadium of thousands to their feet. The noise waves over the fast beating hearts, assaults, and fresh wounds.  The ball finds its destination in the anticipating arms of the warrior who will do whatever it takes in his power to run it the rest of its way to victory.

This is how a poetic woman watches football. It’s becoming more than just a game for me. But, what can I say; very often things are not what they seem to those of us who think deeply.  It’s something my boyfriend enjoys, and as I have taken interest, I have learned a lot.  Not just about football, but how we can apply it to our lives.

There are certain things about any game that make it successful, and what I’d like to bring to light today is how important every single person who contributes to the game is. Just like in the game of football, there has to be certain people involved in your life for you to be a success. 

I’ve noticed that successful people are very deliberate in who they surround themselves with. If you were a player in a football game, certain people would be playing certain roles to help you be a hero.  They are also the same roles you need people to play in your everyday life to help you reach success.

A Mentor: Someone who has attained something you want to attain and has perhaps attained it in so many different ways that they have a wealth of knowledge, experience, and wisdom to offer you. Mentors are ahead of you in some way, perhaps they’ve just been doing it longer, or they have found ways to further themselves in the areas you’re looking to improve. Everyone needs a mentor.  Even mentors need mentors-someone to look up to, someone who is paving the way. A good mentor will be someone who is not in competition with you, but someone who has made their way through something and now has the drive to help others.

A Coach: Someone who may not necessarily be better than you in your trade, but knows the rules and the game so well that they can give you step by step instructions on how to be successful.  They are down on the playing field with you, however from the sidelines they can see a bigger picture, perhaps one you can’t see while you’re in it. A coach will push you to your greatness, they will help you find what position to play, and motivate you to keep going when it gets tough. A good coach will believe in you enough to challenge you and help you break through your own limitations so that you can be the best player out there.

A Healer: I’ve noticed the team of doctors, physical therapists, massage therapists, and even Reiki practitioners who are a part of a player’s recovery.  Your life is no different.  Sometimes it’s brutal out there and you need to take time to heal yourself. I’m a firm believer in receiving energy and body work, and quite honestly had it not been through healing therapies, I would have never gotten over certain heart brakes and life traumas. This also includes health coaching and nutritional counseling. Just because you read an article on facebook about green tea doesn’t mean you know a thing about nutrition.  However, there are people who dedicate their lives to knowing how your body interacts with foods, healthy supplements and exercise.  “Go with your gut,” and find someone who can help you balance your physical health to fit your lifestyle.  A good healer works with your body, mind, and energy system, to bring it back into alignment, health, homeostasis, and will fill you up again when you’ve been drained.

Cheerleaders: These are basically “yes men.” You need someone in your life who knows how to cheer you on. Someone whom you can do no wrong in their eyes. Someone who believes in you no matter how many times you fall on your face. These people can help you spread your goodness, they can help you market, and their dedication to your success keeps you going because you can’t let them down.

An Audience: This may seem like a weird one at first, because I think we innately don’t want an audience.  Most people I coach feel like they want to be seen and accepted, but they are conflicted by not wanting to be seen because they fear they won’t be accepted.  Here’s how I see it- You need an audience.  And half of them can be rooting for you, and its okay if the other half are not.  All of the naysayers of your life are simply rooting for something else.  Trust me, I have haters. I’m keenly aware of the people who are “booing” me from the stands and that some of them may even be reading this blog! But I see them as part of my audience who are just rooting for another team. For instance, if my happiness and success gets a “booooo” from the stands, I just assume these are the people who are rooting for unhappiness and scarcity.  Definitely not my team! Then just like a football player, I shake it off and hike the ball again. Football players don’t stop what they are doing when the other teams fans are mean to them. They don’t climb up the stairs of the stadium and confront the fans, nor do they change what they are doing because of them. If you have haters, watch football. Do what they do.  Can they even hear the naysayers while they are busy doing their touchdown dance?

Finally, you need other players.  Who are your team mates? And who is your opposition?  Your teammates will huddle up with you and do their part of the strategy for touchdowns.  These can be family members, people in your inner circles, close friends, and it can even be your guardian angels and ancestors who want your success.  Your opposition will be the opposing force to which you have to bust through to get your touchdowns.  Your opposition doesn’t necessarily have to be another person, perhaps it’s your own inner fears and limitations.  Sometimes it takes a whole team to bust through your own darkens, but when you have passed that goal line and your crowd goes wild… you know you’ll never be the same.

Whatever game or goal you are playing for, it’s important to have the kind of support that will get you to your own hall of fame.  It’s important to practice, practice, practice, to have a strategy and to play hard. And don’t forget that time-outs are important too so make sure to take those!

The best way to make powerful decisions in your game is to get very CLEAR. Check out my website and all I can offer you at

Follow me on your favorite social media platforms @clarityistheway and join me for a LIVE Periscope every Monday and Wednesday noon MST for more motivation!

Monday, October 12, 2015

The Ripple Effect

Someone somewhere at some point has prayed for you.

Maybe it wasn’t a formal prayer, maybe it was simply a well wishing, or maybe you were included in some stranger’s general prayer for world peace.  Or perhaps it was a fervent on-the-knees-contrite –with –broken-heart sort of prayer. No matter how it came across, I can guarantee you someone at some point sent you some good vibes through a thought or feeling. Because at some point in your life, whether you meant to or not, you meant something to someone and they wanted life to be good for you.

Do you ever stop and wonder what kind of effect that has had on your life? Someone has cared about you, have you ever wondered how that has changed you?

I’m a firm believer that my love changes things. I’ve seen it happen- when I focus my love on anything or anyone, things change… and always for the better. It’s amazing how quickly things turn around when I pour on my love. And I am 100% confident that the ripples from the outpouring of my love reach the ends of the earth. Facetious? I think not.  After all, it’s scientifically proven.

The ripple effect is a scientifically proven phenomenon that states that every action causes a series of effects that expand outwards incrementally. Like a pebble being thrown into a pond the ripples form waves outwards forming a beautiful circular pattern of ripples. The most famous example of the ripple effect is shown through economics where an individual’s reduction in spending reduces the incomes of others and their ability to spend. Everything we do, every decision we make, changes the world around us and that is the ripple effect.

I’ve learned from working with people that on some level, everyone wants to make a difference.  Everyone in their own way wants to send out ripples of their goodness.  And yet far too often we find ourselves in the midst of negative ripples. Think of a negative ripple effect. Maybe someone at a store who set you off and not only did you never go back, but you told everyone about the bad service. Think about the person who set you off, and because of your negative reaction, they went home and treated someone the way you treated them, and then that person created chaos for the next and so on. One interaction gone wrong and negative ripples were sent out in all directions affecting more people than you can imagine. But, if this is not what we truly want to happen in our world, why do we continue causing these ripples?

We are unconscious of the power of the ripple effect.  We might “get it”, (oh ya, Crystal wrote a cute piece about how we affect the world around us, so nice…) but we don’t truly understand it because if we did we would begin to understand the importance of stopping negative ripples in their tracks.

You have to be in control of your ripples.  Know why? Because just like in the example above, with a stone being cast into water, eventually those ripples will reach a rebound point and come back for you. The stronger the waves you put out there, the more momentum they will have when they hit their bounce back point and guess what that means for you and everyone who was in between you and your rebound point? Have you ever caught yourself saying, “Man, bad luck just comes at me in waves!”  Ya, you sent out bad ripples my friend and they came back.
Successful people aren’t happy because they are successful, they were happy first.  They sent out the right ripples. They were on some level aware of the ripple effect,  how to stop negative ripples, and start positive ones.

It’s The Little Things Like
- shaking the hand of the person bagging your groceries
-letting someone in front of you in a line
-opening the door and actually smiling at someone
-having compassion for the overworked and underpaid waitress, customer service rep, ticket taker, etc.
-speaking to the manager of a store and working things out so that you can give a good review later
-spending time with an animal or child who needs attention and love
-telling the person at the drive through to put your change towards the car’s order in back of you
-stopping to help change a tire
-smiling patiently at a screaming baby and her sleep deprived mother
-texting someone randomly to tell them how much they mean to you
-lightening up a stressful situation with a cheerful comment or joke
-actively listening to someone who is having a hard time explaining their point of view
-surrounding yourself with positive people who also put out happy ripples
-consciously deciding you will not be a part of a negative ripple effect

And finally, my favorite mentioned at the beginning of my blog. Simply pray. Send someone a well wish, good vibes, whatever you do to pour your love into them.  I believe that the strongest ripples are the ones that come from your heart. You never know how those ripples will expand and change your entire world. One day you’ll wake up and feel the rebound of that love and wonder how life got so good!

Want more clarity? Check out my website at

Follow me on your favorite social media platforms @clarityistheway and don’t miss my LIVE periscopes every Wednesday noon MST for more positive ripples. 

Monday, October 5, 2015

Your Lens

What are you looking through?

Your lens is a term I use to describe the way you perceive yourself, your life, and the world around you. I use the example of wearing different glasses. If you wear the wrong prescription, or dark murky sunglasses, your vision is distorted, and therefore so is your experience. You may not be seeing things clearly, and this can be the cause of a lot of distress and discord in your life and relationships. 

I looked up the actual definition of perception and read: "A way of regarding, understanding, or interpreting something; a mental impression."

Simple enough, however I really appreciate how it is defined in A Course in Miracles: “Perception comes from projection: what we see inwardly determines what we see outside ourselves; crucial to perception, therefore, is our interpretation of “reality," rather than what seems to be objectively real.

Have you ever had the experience of comparing stories to someone who was at the same event as you, and hear how different their perception of that event is from yours?  It is true that very seldom at all do we have the same exact experience as another person. This is due to the fact that we are all so different, and our thoughts, past experiences, and opinions are different. We are all wearing a different lens, and some people’s lenses can be clearer than others.

What distorts your lens? I believe the biggest distortion to our sight has to do with unforgiveness, grudges, and old unresolved pain. These things skew our sight and act as a mini movie projector into our present.

1. Someone who still suffers the resentment from a past heart break will be looking through the lens of that heart break, and unfortunately they will only see that heart break in their current situation. Even though the current situation has nothing to do with the past, they will project their fears and unresolved issues into their present and future and looking through this lens of hurt, they will make poor decisions based on fear, react irrationally, and sabotage their future.  I pose this question regarding this type of lens: How can you recognize the love of your life if you’re seeing through the lens of your past hurt? They could be standing right in front of you and you would never see it!

2. The way you view yourself has a lot to do with how much love and success you will allow. If you are wearing the lens of “looser, fat, ugly, always late, messy, unworthy, poor, unhappy” than that is how you will conduct your life. You may be holding onto old self resentment and self judgment that takes away your ability to see yourself correctly. When you look at yourself in the mirror, or when you look at your life, because of yourself criticism, you may literally not be seeing yourself and your potential success clearly at all!

Change your lens, change your life.
Your lens won’t change itself. As long as you are unaware of the lens you see through, you will be doomed to wear it and life will go on the same.  Your choice is simply, “I could either continue to see the world through my current lens, or I could get clear and refocus.”
Another way to talk about your lens is if you were a lighthouse. Everyone has a light inside of them that, like a lighthouse, streams forth and into the world. This light is an expression of your highest potential, happiness, love, health, prosperity and success. The more lenses you have over your light, the less you will be able to shine. The world will never be touched by the light you have to offer. Inside of you, right now, is a light so strong and mighty that it could not only change your life, but the lives around you… maybe even the entire world! It’s time to wipe the slate clean and get very clear! 

How to Refocus & Get Clear
If your dirty lens is a product of your unresolved past, get rid of your past. Let it go. All its doing is distorting your view from the truth about your current life and who you are today. You are not the same person you were when your lens got dirty. Who do you need to forgive? What do you need to resolve? Clearing up your past and becoming peaceful is like Windex to the soul. You will shine sparkly and new and feel positively radiant!

Find your rose colored glasses and see through eyes of love.  See through eyes of newness.  See through today’s eyes.  Ask yourself “Who do I want to be today?” And begin to open yourself up to the truth of your life.  When you are wearing the right lens, your life will look beautiful and filled with wonders and miracles.

What lens would you like to wear today?

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