Break Your Own Cycles- What I Learned in 2018

2018 taught me a lesson I'll never forget. It's something I want to share with you. You see, I wonder if you're operating under the same stumbling block. And this stumbling block could be the one thing holding your life back. 

Here's what I know, every time I found myself repeating the same old patterns, there was something deeper within me that I wasn't willing to confront. It was my unwillingness to confront it that was keeping me from achieving my hearts desires.

What I realized is that our negative cycles revolve around a stopping point- a point where our current wounds won't allow us to continue until they are healed. Our deepest wounds will only allow us to lose a certain amount of weight, go after a certain level of success, live a certain lifestyle, accept a limit of love, and reach a certain point of happiness. When we begin to grow to a level that requires expansion, the wounds that hold us back have to be acknowledged, resolved and healed. Otherwise we stop ourselves from growing. We shrink or sabotage ourselves back to where we were, thus creating the cycle. Until we heal, there will always be a cap on our joy.

Why do we stay in the cycle? Because expanding beyond the comfort of our normal stopping point induces growing pains and nobody likes pain. We fail to recognize that pain means that we are touching a wound and that wound needs attention and care before we can move on. To me, running away from pain is like running away from a crying baby because it hurts your ears. The baby- your wound- needs comfort, compassion and unconditional love.

Pain isn't supposed to be normal. It's common, and most people live with a certain level of it, but I don't believe we were meant to live in pain. To me pain means that there is something we need to pay attention to. Unless we attend to our discomfort and sit in our pain long enough to understand it, we will never get past our stopping point.

I broke so many cycles in 2018. Before this last year, my life felt like the movie Groundhog Day. It seemed I had been living through the same cycles over and over with different faces and circumstances. I was almost able to predict where a relationship would end, or when I would have to get a new job. There were more restarts than accomplishments and it got to the point where I became energetically sick- like that feeling you get when you want to throw up but your body is just hanging on, nauseous with toxins and suffering rather than breaking through and letting it go.

In order to break free of those toxic cycles, I had to face the fact that I ran away from so many good things because I was afraid to address the wounds that kept me from living a good life. I didn't want to feel the pain of expansion. I lived the majority of my life more afraid of living my dream life than I was of staying stuck in my cycles.

My breakthrough came when I realized that the pain of holding onto the cycles was more than the pain of expansion.

Breaking Through.

I realized what I was missing out on and this became more painful than staying comfortable. Things became black and white; I could keep my wound protected or I could poke around at it until I understood why it was there and heal it, thus allowing me to move on!

The best thing I personally did was commit to being single for the year. My romantic life had become nothing but a series of bad cycles. So, I resisted the urge to distract myself with another guy and went to God instead. I brought to Him my broken heart and over the course of the year He did what He does best- He restored my dignity, and helped me to forgive the past so that I could trust myself again. I broke the cycle of running to relationships for comfort and instead focused on strengthening myself. I turned codependency into self reliance!

My career was another area that would cycle out of control. But instead of hitting the want ads again, I brought to God my fears of being successful. Once again, He did what He does best. He became my provider, CEO of my life, and constant muse. He taught me that when He puts a desire in my heart, to follow it. No matter how crazy that desire is, it will always lead me to where I am supposed to be. He taught me how to trust that I will always be taken care of, and has never let me down. I turned doubt into faith!

Instead of making desperate decisions, I began bringing all of my insecurities to Him. And you guessed it, He continued to restore and rebuild my confidence until I was finally able to break through my stopping point. He guided me out of other cycles I had been born into and helped me to forgive my family and society. I turned corners I never thought I could!

By the end of the year, I was brought to the point of no return, a place where there were so many brand new experiences coming at me, I hardly recognized my life.

Every time I arrived at my usual stopping points, I would become scared of the unknown. I trained myself to get on my knees instead of running. I would bring the pain to Him. A light would turn on, and I would be able to see again. I developed more bravery and strength to consistently break out of my comfort zones that had previously held me back. I tried so many new things last year that I began to feel like a whole different person. Suddenly my entire environment changed when I moved my family from the mountains to the desert over night in the last month of the year. This was the final cycle that had to break, as I had sabotaged moving out of Utah for over a decade due to an unhealed wound that kept me stuck.

I'm sure that while reading this, you are wondering what cycles you need to break. When it comes to breaking your own cycles, here are some things you may want to consider. These are the questions I asked myself in order to see where my pain/wounds were. These were the things I brought to God.

What wound would you have to heal in order for change to happen in your life? What would you have to address to get from the point you are now to where you want to be? What would you have to develop within you (example: strength, perseverance, compassion, self love, forgiveness, "badassery") in order to break out of a cycle? Are you willing to be patient with your healing process? What if it takes years to heal, could you still commit to your healing?

These are all questions I will continue to ask myself as I enter into this new year. Looking back to the way I was behaving last December, I can see a substantial amount progress within myself. I have become more comfortable in the face of intimidating new challenges and fresh starts. My threshold has been stretched, my tolerance has been broadened, and my drive for adventure has increased. My prayer for the new year is based upon my experience over the past 12 months: May all beings dare to push through the tendency to shrink back into old patters so they can see the gift that awaits them on the other side. And may we all have the strength to sit in our pain long enough to understand it, give it to God, and allow it to be healed so that we can indefinitely move beyond it. Blessings of expansion, growth and cycle breaking for 2019!

Photo credit: Anthony Turner

Undefinable

I'm used to being misunderstood.
I'm undefinable.
And I'm okay with that.
Because I made a decision that changed my life.
It's a decision I make every day.
That who I am created to be is more real than who others think I am.

The path of the Mystic will lead you into your true and ultimate liberation.
You can stay bound by the limiting beliefs of others, or you can free yourself through the limitless possibilities your Creator offers.
The choice is yours.

The next 6 Week Mentorship begins March 3rd.
Enter the path of the Mystic here:
www.crystaldoty.com

When Holidays Aren't Happy

If your life is perfect this year and you have no qualms, you may want to stop reading this right now. I'm not writing this for anyone who is on top of their game. If you are surrounded by loved ones, and no one has died or left you, if you have more than enough food and you are joyfully plotting your black Friday shopping without a worry of how you'll pay for it all, move on to the next post- this one is not for you. However if you are grieving right now, if you feel like you're a mess and you're about to fake smile your way through the holidays, stay. Read on. I have something for YOU.

I've been there. I've held my breath while driving past houses filled with family and craved whatever drama good or bad they had going on just so I wouldn't be alone. I've ducked out of parties feeling overwhelmed by the very crowds people told me to "get out" in. I've shamefully showed up on Christmas morning with a fake smile and a bleeding heart, hoping and praying that my children wouldn't see anything but the facade so that they wouldn't feel neglected. Yes, I've heard the music and cried, ate the food and resented it, and I've been in the thickest part of mourning during a season that flashes bright lights, jolly elves, cheerful feasts and felt the indignity of it all. For so many, the holidays can bring up more stress, memories of suffering and reveal past and current grievances. If that's you, my heart is with you. I get it.

As I sit here writing this on Thanksgiving morning, watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, I am reminded of something that has helped me through this season during hard times. Simplify. I remember one Thanksgiving my kids were both at other families and I was alone. I made a "Thanksgiving Day Self Care To Do List" filled with ideas from nature walks and painting to giving myself a rose petal salt bath and pedicure. I took one small step of the list at a time and by the end of the day I felt like a million bucks! It actually ended up being the best day I had experienced in a long time. Way better than laying around watching the Hallmark channel feeling sorry for myself.

Because no matter what you are going through, some things will still have the ability to pull the little child from your broken heart and bring a sense of hope again. Even through my own traumas, I've realized that some things never change; I cry every year when Santa shows up at the end of the parade(literally the only man to remain consistent in my life. Without fail I tearfully whisper, "he came.") Regardless of what I've gone through, I find it comforting to allow certain things to move me. I still have to sing along to certain Christmas songs, peppermint hot chocolate will always bring me back into my body, book stores bring comfort, and I will always dreamily lose myself in the magic of a sparkly city street. I've learned that by allowing the simple little things about the season to touch my heart, it can bring my mind out of big negativity.

So if you are grieving, angry, resentful, sad, or just not having a happy holiday season, one thing is certain, you are not alone. More people experience hardship during the holidays than you can imagine. What you are going through right now will help you to recognize others who are also suffering. Let's keep that in mind as we are demanding service from the barista who is battling depression or a store manager who his having to work on a holiday away from his children. With everything that goes on with people, my prayer every year is that compassion reigns the holidays. My heart is holding yours with compassion now and always, my friend. I want you to know that someone is praying for you, lighting a candle for you, and that you are surrounded by angels. As you move through your pain, I have full faith that you too will one day see that no matter how hard things get, there is always something even just one simple little thing you can hold on to and be grateful for. Hold on to what you can. Plant those things like seeds so that they grow. Eventually, the frosty pain gives way to warmer times and those little things will become treasures among the many new and wonderful things that are waiting for you. The good thing about seasons is that they eventually pass. Your life WILL move forward.

How To Call Forth Divine Intervention

But don't you see? Now that you've said no to that thing that you are no longer wanting to experience, you have proven to yourself, others, and to the Universe that you are finished with it-  you are complete. Getting what you want out of life is not always about what more you can put onto your plate. Sometimes it's about what you need to remove from your plate.
Saying no wasn't easy. You had hope, attachment, and disappointment all wrapped up in it. But something within you was inspiring you for more- telling you that you deserve better. And so you put your foot down. You said no, fully expecting something better to fill it's place. And something better will. God and His Universe respond boldly to the bold and faithfully to the faithful. You want Divine intervention? Stop agreeing to things your soul is directing you to say no to.

To Everything There Is A Season

This is the season of the last harvest. Long ago, our ancestors would be cutting through the last of their crops and preparing large celebratory feasts with what they had all harvested. In the spirit of gratitude they would be appreciating the fruits of everyone's hard labor. There might have been a feeling of relief that the hardest part of their work was over and they could finally reap what they had sown. However, their work was never truly finished, there would also be talking and much planning for the darker colder months ahead. I am constantly in awe of the cycles in nature and how those cycles mirror themselves still in our own modern lives. It may not be crops you are tending to, perhaps it's a dream, goal, or something of a different nature. Still, some things never change. The lessons our ancestors had to learn in order to survive are the same in today's world. You can't expect your life to flourish without your hands getting dirty, so here are the stages of our life's cycles illustrated in a garden analogy. As you read through the different stages of growth, abundance, death, and rebirth, see if you can try to find out where you are in your own life cycle. This might give you clues as to why you may be stuck, and what your next steps might be.



The First Stage: Clearing

In order to have a flourishing garden, you must make the time and effort to clear the land and till the soil. This can be the most difficult part of your journey because it means that you have to be willing to let go of what has died, what no longer works, and what might get in the way of new growth. This includes letting go of things like unhealthy relationships, negative thinking and pessimism, constricting obligations and bad habits. This first step is the most crucial to a healthy cycle. You must let things die if you want things to be reborn.


The Second Stage: Seeds

Once you have cleared away anything that will not promote your absolute success, it is time to plant seeds. Dream big! Begin to put your desired outcomes down onto paper or a vision board. Do research, and talk to the right people about what you want to see bloom in your life. It is a time to imagine, create, and think positive affirming thoughts. The beginning phase is always exciting, new, and fresh. You have a support system, you have your tools, you have what it takes! Plant it!


The Third Stage: Tending

This is the part of the cycle where you can start to narrow down a step by step process and track your progress. It involves checks and balances. You may need to prioritize and make adjustments and changes as you figure out what strategies work. You learn the power of consistency, dedication, and flexibility. It feels good to feed and nourish the things in your life that are truly important to you.


The Fourth Stage: Patience

Every life cycle goes through a stage where you are working really hard and it seems like there are no results. This is the most common place the gardener (you) will either quit or go digging, (this is the equivalent to a gardener digging up his seeds to make sure they are growing, only to prematurely pull them from the ground, killing his crops.) Stage four is not pretty, and honestly most people don't make it past this point. There is a restlessness that overcomes most people when they don't receive instant gratification for their work. We can start feeling resentful and jealous of those who’s gardens are in later stages. Impatience causes frustration and self doubt. We may start pointing fingers and blaming those around us for our perceived failure. I have come to learn that patience is the hardest of all virtues, especially when it comes to our dreams. We start out with such high expectations and we want nature to bend to our will “right now!” However just like a garden, there is a time to all growth. You cannot expect to be harvesting in stage four. No, in order to pass this point, you must master patience and continue doing the work and tending to your dreams. Stage four is where faith is built, it's where heroes are made.


The Fifth Stage: Breaking Ground

Nothing in this world compares to finally seeing results from all of your hard work and patience. You know you’ve broken ground when you can finally start to relax. Things may not be in full bloom yet, however there is a feeling of relief that replaces the anxiety when you can finally see how the garden is going to look. You are confidant, your systems are all working in sync. Your consistency has paid off, and you can breathe a sigh of relief. You have security in what you see coming.


The Sixth Stage: Tending

Yes, it’s back to tending and being patient again. However, your mentality will have matured now that you've mastered what it takes to reap results. As your dreams and goals start to blossom, your strategies may need reevaluations. Your perspectives will change due to your growing experience and wisdom. You may have new and different people in your life that you relate to who also made it past stage four. You know what works and what doesn’t work, and you may have developed a different way of tending than when you did at stage three.


The Seventh Stage: The Harvest/The Sharing

You are now receiving the full benefit of all your hard work! Abundance is yours! There is much to celebrate as you fully reap what you have sown and in the spirit of gratitude and prosperity, you begin to share and take care of those around you. You become a way shower for those stuck in previous stages. You are in a place to speak from experience, wisdom, and a deep understanding of what it takes to enjoy the fruits of your labor!


The Eighth Stage: Reviewing & Planning

If you think you have arrived at the promised land at stage seven, you are very wrong. Your garden, aka goals, dreams, projects, and desires, can die at anytime so it's imperative that you to plan your next course of action. You must review what you have learned and who/what you can count on to be a continuing part of your blossoming garden. Most of all, you will recognize that as your garden blooms, so do you. All of your results are a direct reflection of how you do life internally. If you get stuck at any previous stage, it will be an opportunity to look within and recognize limitations that need healing. We all want to believe that our lives are compartmentalized - that one part of our lives wouldn’t affect the others. However, just like in a garden, if you allow weeds to grow in one part, they can easily take over other areas. How this relates to your life is the saying, "how you do one thing, is how you do everything." If you neglect your health and get sick, this will affect your ability to work. If you are unhappy in your relationship, this will drain your energy and life will become heavy, making it harder to accomplish anything. By the time you are at this stage, you are VERY aware of this fact. Perhaps with this wisdom, you will begin to understand why the gardener needs just as much attention as the garden. Each cycle you complete takes you deeper and deeper into your own blossoming.

Think of it this way: The gardener must do what few people are willing to do in order to have the garden that few people can even dream of. In other words, if you want the life you dream of in stage one, you must be willing to become someone who will make it to stage nine. (Develop habits, work ethic, and the necessary mentality.)


The Ninth Stage: Clearing

In ancient numerology the number nine represents the end because every number after nine is a combination of the first nine. And so, since this is a cycle, we must end where we once began and where we will begin again. Just like the seasons, while the cycle never ends, your dynamics will. You will clear different things at each passing of this point in the cycle. As you become a seasoned gardener, your garden will excel at flourishing and from this point, new seeds will sprout in your mind and heart. Our ancestors would most likely be burning down their crops at this stage in an effort to get rid of anything that would stand in the way of next seasons new seeds. New ideas and a fresh outlook on life will cause your cycle to come full circle and then you will be ready to begin again!

To every thing there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and a time of peace.

-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Ancestors

From October 31 to November 2, the veil between the world of the living, and the world of  those who have passed on is very thin. Many traditions and cultures recognize these days as a time to honor their ancestors and deceased loved ones. If you are going to enter the world of mysticism. it is inevitable that you will also enter the unseen worlds. At some point in your spiritual journey, you will run into your family and ancestral issues. This is because you are here to heal them and to break cycles.

As we pass through this very sacred time, it is best to remember something I learned as I went through my own ancestor healing. Your families hold many many stories. Some of them are stories of hardship and struggle. But many stories are of their victories and accomplishments. There are some stories that are passed down by mouth or by DNA but it is up to you to decide which stories you want to honor and carry on. At the end of the day, I think it is important to acknowledge that regardless of the stories, you are the result of thousands of years of love. You must remember that your life comes from an endless stream of love stories. Whether your ancestors fell in love with each other, or their countries, or their life's purpose- you can tap into the lines of love streaming to you down throughout the ages and feel an immense amount of joy from your bloodlines. You can liberate your ancestors by believing in their best stories that manifest in your own life. If you really want to know who your ancestors are, look in the mirror. You are the result of their tenacity and will to live. Doesn't that make you feel grateful?

This morning I set up my Dia de Muertos alter. I think that this has become one of my most favorite celebrations. As many of you know, my children's father died and beyond celebrating his birthday, November 1 has become a beautiful day of honoring him, grandparents, friends, and others who have passed on. I decorated the alter with crystals, wine, tea, fruit, bread, flowers, pictures, and a lovely candle that will burn through the night. I also added a list of names of my great grandparents for as far back as I can remember. Throughout today, anyone can come to the alter and write a name on the list, or place a photo of a deceased loved one upon it and take a moment to give thanks for that persons life. We can also ask our ancestors to help us heal family issues like addictions, drama, or cycles of poverty and hate. Each time I pass the alter today, my heart feels full. My home feels blessed with the sweet memories and sacred presence of my ancient to recent ancestors and a promise I make to them each year; To make them proud, to help them to see that they did not live in vain. To show them that the struggles and hardships they endured to give me the life I have today were victorious still. And more than anything to allow the love throughout the ages to fill my heart, my soul, and my own life with the silent stories of my past.   

No Ordinary Girl

I stopped mid step the moment I heard my name. They didn't know I was just down the hall and their voices seemed to waft through the air, heavy in their own secret conversation. 

"I suppose we won't be seeing your daughter in church then?" I recognized the older stern tone in her voice realizing it was the lady who lived down the street. Was she grilling my mother about my church attendance? I frowned. The truth was, I hadn't been to a church since I was a child. I squared my shoulders ready to walk in and defend myself when I was taken back again by my mothers own sweet melodic voice. 

Addressing the lady politely, she said, "Crystal, she is no ordinary girl. She's been raised all over the world and she has very different views than what is taught in church. I don't worry, her connection to God may be unique, but it is there nonetheless." 

Immediate tears stung my eyes and I had to quickly move away from my position in the hall as I heard them approaching the door. I suddenly didn't want to be seen. In a few swift strides, I found myself in a bathroom with my hands over my mouth. I had never heard my mother speak of me this way. I had always assumed I was a disappointment to her because try as I might, I never fit in with religion. Regardless of how she truly may have felt about me, in that moment she had defended my freedom and no matter what twists and turns our relationship has taken, her voice is forever lovingly burned into my memory, "She is no ordinary girl." 

No mama, I'm not. Thank Goddess!

A Push For Love

Remember my story about when I was just beginning my spiritual journey and a mysterious life-changing book fell off a shelf in a bookstore and hit my foot? That book was The Lightworkers Way by Doreen Virtue. It's been almost 20 years later and I've decided to read it again. Just like before, it couldn't have come at a better time. The book was written in 1997 and with all of the recent and vast political and economical upheaval, it has been a refreshing remembrance of better times to say the least. I started last night by reverently and slowly making my way through the forward that was written by Louise L Hay, another one of the masters who guided me into my life as a mystic. I often describe Louise as my fairy godmother who showed up when I was lost and scared, handed me a pair of crystal slippers, and sent me back into the world as a princess. She helped me clean up my thoughts and through some deep forgiveness until my soul was sparkly and royal. Reading her words last night brought back a remembrance of why I began my spiritual journey in the first place. 

With everything going on in our world today, I guess I needed a little reminder from my fairy godmother that anything is still possible. She spoke about how important it is to monitor our thoughts because they are so powerful that they create the circumstances in our lives. "The way we think about ourselves, about others, and about life contributes enormously to the way we live. What we give out comes back to us, always. Therefore, if we want to live lives of harmony and well-being, then we must have harmonious, loving thoughts constantly in our mental atmosphere. We will never be able to help heal this planet if we criticize and condemn people, places, and events. To be true healers, we must concentrate our mental energy on seeing the positive wherever reality shows us otherwise."

And she was serious about this concept. Until the day she died, Louise was a beautiful example of what unconditional love is and how being in control of your mind ultimately leads you into it. There is so much justification to hate going on right now, from the left to the right and like anyone else I have been somewhat swept up in all of it. But last night, her words were like a hot shower after a long sweaty days work washing away my own unsettled thoughts around our world. Louise goes on to say the following. "Whenever I hear of a gang member, criminal, crooked politician, drug baron, dictator, or anyone who is creating pain in this world, I bless them with Divine Love, for I know that within them is all the good that resides in all of us. They all have the ability to turn this part of themselves in an instant. If I hear of a crisis or disaster, I immediately send love and healing energy to that place. On a daily basis, I visualize the world as harmonious and healed, with plenty of food, shelter, and clothing for all. I see everyone with meaningful work to do and an income that supports them. I visualize harmony in families and between nations. I use my mind to put as much positive energy as I can into the world through our collective consciousness." 

I actually began to cry a little while reading this. My mind began with, "well sure it was easy for her to do this back then before the crisis and division that is currently happening in our country." And then I caught myself. There's always been some sort of crisis. Louise was a huge healing influence for people who contracted AIDS during it's initial epidemic. She lived through wars and political scandals. I have no doubt that if she were still alive today, she would not falter in her efforts towards peace just because things have become "worse." And then my thoughts found me in a question. "Although there are some really powerful teachers out there, Louise is gone along with many others who really pioneered spirituality as it is today. If they are not here to omit those positive and peaceful frequencies into our 'collective consciousness' to keep the scales from tipping into pure negative chaos, who will?" 

Oh my gosh. Is this why I'm pushing the Modern Mystic movement? I wonder, with all of my favorite authors and speakers passing on in their own ways, who will pick up the torch that is being passed on? Historically, this is how it's done- every generation of "Lightworkers" takes the flame and interprets it according to how it needs to be used. I am asking myself if a wave of strong, unrelenting, committed modern mystics will be the ones who take these concepts forward in order to hold down the energy of peace. Will we in fact be the beacons of light when the shit storm of political outrage and revolution hits? 

I am starting to believe that those of us who have been in the healing fields, spirituality, and realms of the mystic have been prepared.We are in a perfect place for it- most of us unattached to any particular religion or political party and if we are, our inner purpose to stand for peace and innate willingness to think outside of the box usually overrides the attachment. And so now it is our time to do the hard work of disciplining our minds. To follow in the footsteps of the masters and commit our lives to Love regardless of the hurricane around us. To stay focused on Peace in a world that is about to explode, this will be our work. I'm ready. Are you?

You Were Made For This Stuff

If there is one thing I know to be true, at some point in your life, you will enter the unknown- a sacred place where all things are created but not yet formed. A place of potential, dreams, and possibilities. Where you find yourself standing face to face with the magic of intention. The unknowable forces of destiny and fate begin to weave into the tapestry of your life creating plot twists and unexpected turns that leave you in wonder and awe. The Mystic revels in these moments of seeming darkness. She knows how to maneuver through them by humbling herself to the power of the unknown in order to be taught what she needs to know. She recognizes these darker times as an opportunity to strengthen her faith and connection to the Divine. She understands that she is not in full control and patiently observes what and when the Mystery reveals itself realizing that there are certain cosmic laws that operate outside of time, space, human influence and intellect. In doing so, she opens herself to miracles and sacred epiphanies that send her soaring above the mundane and placing her in positions way above what she or anyone else could ever imagine. These are the rags to riches stories, the "amazing grace" moments where you were once blind and can now see- but only through a lens another Mystic could possibly fathom. Others who have resisted the unknown sit at their own mysterious threshold fearing, settling, forgetting. 

Only complete trust and the deepest faith can get you through when the Mystery enters your life. But, as a Mystic, it is what you were born to do. You're made for this stuff. 

Sitting in The Palm of His Hand.

I am writing this blog on the Taurus Full Moon after ceremony. What a beautiful evening. Once a month, I get the chance to sit with my children in a sacred circle under the blessed moonlight to talk, reconnect, release what we no longer need/want, and dream our beautiful futures together. It is a circle where no judgment exists. Just simple gracious support for one another. It always warms my heart to hear their visions for their futures. Did you know you can live with someone for years and never know the inner workings of their desires, what drives and motivates them, or even be in touch with the chosen path they are walking towards their destiny? Nights like these are held among the most sacred moments in my heart because I know it is not common among most people to feel this connected to their loved ones.  

Tonight as I gazed into the faces of my kids with the moon and candlelight reflected in their eyes, I felt an overwhelming sense of joy being their mother. I have dedicated my life to serving my Father God and Mother Goddess by doing my best to heal and inspire all of their children. But everything I do has to start at home. By instilling in my own children the love and security found in their connection to their Creator, I fulfill my role as a mother/guide to them. I know that the more security we feel in our relationship to our Creator, the better life is. In short, I am all that I am because I have made the most important relationships in my life my number one priority. It wasn't always like this. I had to work really hard to turn things around in all of my relationships in order for me to be where I am. And so tonight as the rich loving familial energy of Taurus shines down upon my loved ones and moves steadily like a bull across our skies, I deeply and humbly bow to the one relationship I trust and call home. Once I straightened things out with my God and Goddess, everything else fell into place. Everything I need is right here. There is nothing lacking. And so it is. 

Song Inspiration: Now We Are Free by Lisa Kelly

https://youtu.be/hDY3NeTtfjE

Rise Above It

Unless you are Angelina Jolie playing Maleficent, there is nothing attractive about lowering yourself in order to seek vengeance. Carrying around chips on your shoulders trying to prove yourself is just ugly. When people or situations call for you to react in foul ways, see it as an opportunity to flex that "Mystic's muscle" and rise above it. Personally, I have come to see drama and toxic behavior as a cry for love. If I'm not in a place to give love at that moment, then I get to walk away and love myself.

If you can see challenging situations as either a call for love or a call into fear and drama it's easy to make the decision. Love always wins, whether you are rising above it all together to give yourself love, or giving a hurt person a healing touch. The choice is yours. All I know is that when I see you decide against reacting negatively and in exchange rising above the bullshit, you look amazing!

Balancing Your Elements

The four elements I predominately work with are Air, Fire, Water, and Earth. Simply put, you are made up of all elements. Air is your breath, Fire is your personality, Water is your blood, and Earth is your bones. In your life, Air represents your thoughts, insights, and communications. Fire represents your sexuality, passions, purpose, and motivations. Water represents your emotions, intuition, and spirituality. And Earth represents your education, home, money, food and job. 

When one or more of these elements are missing, you can feel and see the imbalance. For instance, if you are lacking in Earth, you might find making money difficult or have issues at work or in the home. You might feel ungrounded and spacey. Because of the lack of Earth, you may also have issues with joints and bones. 

Modern Mysticism looks deep into a persons life as if they are an entire ecosystem. When an element is imbalanced, we look to Nature to heal us. In the example of the missing element of Earth, one might be advised to go walk barefoot on raw earth or take up gardening. They may want to work with crystals, herbs, spices, and flowers- all gifts from Earth. 

As you can see, it is best to spend time in Nature to balance your elements. However, here are some more suggestions on how to create a balanced ecosystem in your life.

To balance Water: Make sure you are hydrated, take baths, swim or spend time near natural bodies of water. Honor your emotions by talking to someone you trust or writing them down. Have a good cry. Get an intuitive reading. Spend quiet time alone. Work on forgiving others. Put a small table fountain near you. Watch the sunrise and dream of new love coming into your life.

To balance Air: Do breathing exercises or Yoga that induces deep breathing. Take a speech class or learn how to communicate more effectively. Go to a mastermind group to gain and share innovative ideas. If there is a breeze, close your eyes and feel it on your skin. Sing- even if no one hears. Listen to classical music. Read a well written book. Learn astrology. Sage or burn your favorite incense. Gaze at the stars and think of unlimited possibilities. 

To balance Fire: Light a candle or sit by fire. Dance, paint, watch comedies or find things to laugh about, be social. Have amazing sex. Shop for clothes that make you feel confidant. Be assertive, draw boundaries, take a stand for yourself or for a cause. Cardiovascular activities. Spicy foods or cinnamon. Take in the sunset and think of things you'd like to let go of.

To balance Earth: Walk barefoot on the earth. Spend time under a tree. Plant seeds or buy flowers. Talk to your plants. Spend time with animals. Balance your finances and budget. Consider learning something new, take a training or class. Focus on paying off or collecting debts. Spend time with family. Eat healthy plant based foods. Weight lifting. Work with crystals. Revel in the moonlight and feel yourself grounded on Mama Earth.

Being a Mystery

The fear of being misunderstood and judged are big reasons why many of us shy away from stepping into the Mystic. Part of your spiritual mastery is to shift your attention from trying to be everything to everyone, and into being who you were created to be. For me, once I got clear about God's intentions for my life, it didn't matter what anyone else's opinions were. I found my strength and self esteem in my sure footed connection to my Creator and I'm okay being an unstoppable mystery to anyone who doesn't understand. I can no longer use the fear of what people might think as an excuse not to fully live and express my purpose. But it took me a really long time to get here. 

On my Patreon site, we talk about animal wisdom and this month we are studying the Bat. Since Bats are the only mammal who can fly, they don't really fit in with birds or animals. They are also greatly misunderstood because they have been depicted as dark, evil, and scary- associated with Halloween and vampires. Like many of us who step fully into the unknown, we are often misunderstood as well. Bat medicine shows us how to rise above other people's perceptions and just be yourself. Your flight might look awkward, you may not fit into any certain class, but you are beautiful and magnificent- a true miracle! You are a mystic!

To join my Modern Mystic Membership (only 11.11 a month) and learn more about animal wisdom, go to www.patreon.com/crystaldoty 

How Wings Grow

How Wings Grow.

"I can't even say his name" she whispers. She is alone. She is naked. Hot tears roll down her face landing in the bath water. The echos of her sobbing heart bounce off the bathroom walls and cut her ears like knives. She is breathless, broken, left behind. 

"You know what you must do" her angels reply. 

She dips further down into the bath submerging her head. Here it is quiet. She lets the hot salty water rinse through her ears and brush through her hair. If she could only hold her breath longer and stay under forever. Unwillingly she emerges and catches her breath.

"You know what you must do" the message is repeated, this time in a gentler voice.

She squeezes her eyes shut. Her body is tense. If she doesn't do this now, she never will. It feels as though it will kill her, but the alternative is a lifelong sentence of misery. She musters up every ounce of herself and begins. 

Her lips quiver with vulnerability. Her lungs pull in just enough air. His name is reverently spoken followed by words that will finally set her free. It fills the space around her in a silky whisper only angels can understand. 

"I forgive you." 

The hardest part of forgiveness is not pretty. It is not showy or some gallant event that you would later brag about. It is messy, filled with snot and sweat and much resistance. It is private, gruesome, and raw. And it is necessary. I will never forget a message I heard from my angels once teaching me that I could not hold a grievance and peace from God in my heart at the same time. When the ultimatum was given, I chose God. I continue to choose my connection to Him over anything else. This is Mysticism at its finest. You might feel scared, hurt, defensive and spiteful. You might think of cursing or seeking revenge. But the heart of the Mystic knows what she must do to stay magical. She must continue unbinding herself from hate. It is a process, and depending on the wound she might make several attempts before it is complete. Each time a Mystic forgives, her wings grow a little taller. Those hard conversations with God in the dark give birth to the brightest lights. If you are struggling with a grievance in your heart,  I will tell you the same thing my angels tell me all of the time, "You know what you must do." 

From my wing tips to yours. 

Magical People Need Magical People

“Surround yourself with people who make you happy. People who make you laugh, who help you when you’re in need. People who genuinely care. They are the ones worth keeping in your life. Everyone else is just passing through.” - Karl Marx

It is very important for the Modern Mystic to choose wisely who they will be associating with on a regular business. Jim Rohn says that you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. One of the exercises we use in the 6 Week Clarity Mentorship is to write down the names of those who are closest to us and really review how our intimate relationships are going. We then write next to their name 1 thing we deeply admire and appreciate about that person and 1 thing that we consider to be their downfall. When we see a common theme, pattern, or the same word written a few times, we have to consider that we have somehow attracted a certain personality trait in order to learn, grow, or be inspired. It's also good to consider the following of the people you spend most of your time with:

• Do they inspire and encourage you to feel like you have what it takes to reach your goals?
• Do they support you with their actions? (Do they walk their talk?)
• Do they make you feel attractive?
• Do you you feel happy and energized after spending time with them? Or do you feel drained?

In my past, I have chosen to stay in toxic friendships and romantic relationships far past their expiration date. (I lightly blame this on my Libra sun Cancer moon.) What I have seen with this unhealthy pattern is the willingness to let my goals and dreams die for the other persons goals and dreams. The deeper feelings of unworthiness have ruled my decision to pour myself into the other person in order to keep them happy and committed. Each time I have given too much up for the sake of another, I have lost a little bit of my own magic. These relationships dulled my sparkle, and closed me off to my own Divine Guidance. After being burned enough times, I finally decided that magical people need other magical people. What this means is that because I am working on developing my greatest relationship to my Creator, I need to surround myself with other people who have the same intentions. Becoming closer to those who share the same love for spirituality and drive to make a difference has massively changed my experience of relationships. 

So, why do we as powerful mystics, and lightworkers so commonly find ourselves in toxic one sided relationships? I have a couple theories, but I'd love to hear your thoughts on this is in the comments.

1. Magical people have a strong drive to heal and transform. Therefore, we will attract people who need a lot of healing. However, we cannot be the healer and the lover- it just doesn't work. Send them to someone else so that you can enjoy their journey from the sidelines!

2. People who are looking for a free ride will target givers. I know...I know.. we would all like to believe that everyone has good intentions but that's just not the case. There are people out there who fully intend to just take from you. They are not interested in investing in the relationship- they are there for attention, energy, or whatever else you have that they want. The issue with this scenario is that most lightworkers will be able to sense why the person is this way. "They don't believe in themselves," or "they had a hard childhood," or "they have an addiction that I need to help them through." I'm here to tell you that just because you can explain someone's behavior doesn't mean they are exempt from the natural results their behavior creates. While it's hard to let go of someone's potential, it's also good to keep in mind that sometimes their potential can be like a rainbow- you can see it but it is an illusion.

That is why doing a relationship assessment like the one mentioned above is a worthy effort. It's a good idea to look at people as they are right now and really ask yourself, "are they or are they not contributing to the magical successful life I desire to live?" Realize that this doesn't mean you have to radically dismiss everyone like the Queen of Swords on a rampage. A relationship assessment will simply tell you who to invest in, and who to smile at from a distance. Relationships are journeys. They are our greatest teachers- they are here to help us learn and earn our magic. Choose wisely. 

To find out more about the 6 Week Clarity Mentorship visit www.6weekclaritymentorship.com or go hang out on my personal website, www.crystaldoty.com 

5 Ways To Follow Your Intuition

When you are facing a challenge, it is normal to ask advice from your friends and loved ones. One of the mistakes I've made in the past (I'm sure you can relate) is that I asked the wrong person for advice. Their guidance felt off but I followed it regardless of my intuition because I trusted their perception over mine. Even though it is healthy to get an outsiders view, we might also feel like it's not worth asking others for advice because of the overwhelming and confusing influences we invite into our issue. In a sea of other people's opinions how do we make the right decision?

The answer is in your intuition. I call it your "inner bullshit detector" and we all have it. We might not all trust it, but it's there. I'm sure you've caught yourself saying, "I knew it, but I didn't do it" when your intuition was telling you something you didn't follow through with. In truth, we get messages through our intuition all of the time. It's important to start giving it the benefit of the doubt when we need it, otherwise we can end up in disastrous circumstances! This is the first thing I teach in the 6 Week Clarity Mentorship. I believe that without our intuition, we are like leaves being tossed around in the wind believing only in other people's perspectives on our lives. That is no way to live, and it's the fastest way to sabotage living in your life's purpose. Your intuition will tell you exactly where you need to go, how to handle situations, what to eat, who to associate with, what to quit, what to start, and will constantly leave clues if you are open and willing to see them. 

What does it feel like to be in tune with your intuition? Here are 5 clues that you are tapping into the right Source to make your decisions and create a better life.

1. You feel an overall sense of relief.

Most of us are searching for feelings of happiness. However, I  have learned through many trials and errors, that we should be chasing the feelings of relief. Whenever you course correct, or redirect yourself from going into the wrong direction, there is always a feeling of relief. Even if the direction you are heading doesn't make logical sense, there's a deep sense within you that you are no longer resisting the natural flow of your inner guidance. When trying to make a decision, which choice gives you an overall sense of relief? Go with that flow.

2. A certain situation or person simply just doesn't give you peace.

One of the biggest things we question is our discernment when we are right in front of someone who seems to be okay. There is no valid reason to not trust them, they are giving you every indication that they are legit, but something is moving within you and making you feel uncomfortable. We commonly trust what people show us above what our intuition is showing us. The same thing can be said for a seemingly harmless situation or environment. That unexplainable uneasy feeling means that you need to look further into things. Ask questions, investigate. Your intuition is needing you to uncover something or to simply trust it and leave with no further explanation. 

3. You feel inspired.

Another way of describing inspired is "In- Spirit." If you were to close your eyes and take some deep breaths and contemplate the situation, do you feel in spirit about it? Does the situation bring you a sense that a greater force is guiding you? Does the situation or person you are questioning encourage you to be a better person or give you more energy and drive? If so, you may be in the flow of inspiration and this is where your intuition will speak the loudest. 

4. The same message will repeat itself through different means.

Do you ever see a sequence of repetitive numbers? Or perhaps different people keep telling you the same thing? This is what I call "Outer Intuition." Sometimes our intuitive messages will seem to appear within the world around us and it is important to pay close attention, especially if the message has appeared more than a few times. If it is a cryptic message like a symbol or an animal that keeps showing up, feel free to use google or contact a spiritual adviser/mentor (like me) to help you gain insight.

5. Confidence and Courage. 

I love this duo. When you are in an intuitive flow, you will intrinsically feel confident and have the courage to make the changes or move forward, even if it is an unpopular choice among your friends. When you feel as though you are feeling an inner strength that is coming out of seemingly nowhere, you know you are in an intuitive flow and being guided in the right direction. 

These five points are just the tip of the iceberg. If you are wanting to really sharpen your ability to be led through life by your clear and precise intuition, please check out my 6 Week Clarity Mentorship. If you can learn how to navigate through feelings and emotions, and find the ones listed above, you will be assured that you are receiving Divine Guidance and headed towards your best outcome. 

www.6weekclaritymentorship.com 

Finally Addressing Doreen Virtue

I was sitting in a beautiful condo in the Colorado mountains this afternoon taking in all the splendors of Autumn when I received a DM from a client on Instagram. It was a screenshot of a post from Doreen Virtue. My heart dropped. I get messages like these every so often from people who seem confused by my previous mentor. Until now, I haven't said a thing. I stopped following her months ago. I made that decision in peace, deciding to honor her journey regardless of how odd it seemed to me at the time. Therefore until today, I have been unaware of how extreme her change has evolved. I feel it is time for me to say something publicly as I will most likely continue receiving messages and questions. 

For anyone who may not know who Doreen is, I would like to take this opportunity to honor the gigantic impact she made in my life. She was my mentor, teacher, and way shower for two decades. Throughout my 20's and 30's, I soaked in every book, deck of cards, and certification she delivered. Like many intuitives, she opened the door for me to accept my gifts and connect to God and the angels in very deep ways. She lived a life I aspired to live- a published author traveling to magical places around the globe spreading messages of peace, love, and compassion. When she wasn't traveling, she lived in Hawaii where she could swim with dolphins and meditate under gorgeous sunsets and full moons. Her example was monumental. With her career starting in the late 80's, she wrote a plethora of spiritually based books that covered subjects from health, relationships, addictions, and what she became most known for, angels. She provided the space for me to receive my own precious Divine guidance and I have never felt confused or detached from God and His angels since. I even acknowledged her in my own book, "What Would Angels Do?" While Doreen was traveling, teaching, and inspiring us, she was always very considerate of all faiths, remaining nondenominational, open, and loving towards all religions. I loved that about her because it helped me remain open and loving to all religions too!

Last year we all began to see changes in her. What we didn't know at first was that Doreen was leaving her lifetime of universal thinking and converting to a born again Christian faith that began limiting her ability to teach the way she had been teaching for so many years. When she first announced that she had given herself over to Jesus, I was curious. I personally love Christ and was hopeful she would somehow find a way to bridge the very open path she had been walking to this strict Christian faith. However as time went by, Doreen seemed only interested in preaching sermons from the bible. Her messages became stale, repetitive and like she was regurgitating someone elses words. As much as I wanted to remain hopeful, my heart broke with what she did next.

The video has since been taken down because it caused so much controversy and so many emotions worldwide. Doreen posted on her YouTube channel a very raw and matter-of-fact explanation that she was leaving her decades of work to follow the teachings of the bible. She proceeded to tell her millions of students to throw away her books, cards, and to now follow her into "righteousness." Many of us were horrified as we watched her glazed over eyes that once held so much compassion, and her stern mouth that once spoke with grace preach about the devil, condemnation, and how the bible is our only salvation. I watched her audience completely fall apart as she presented to us such an extreme and absolute opposite concept as if she were telling us how to bake a cake. Shortly after her conversion to Jesus, she lost thousands of followers, was fired from her publishing company, and had to flee her ranch in Hawaii because she could not pay for it anymore. She publicly addressed these losses as if she were a martyr and they were penance for her wicked ways as a new age author. Her posts and messages started to attack the very things that she had previously taught us, stating that she believed she was destined for hell until she converted. Is it any wonder why so many of her students felt mass confusion, judged, cast out, and deeply hurt by the very woman who once nurtured their universal spiritual growth? 

(See pictures below.) *Note the hashtag #exnewager 

As one of her biggest supporters, I would be lying if I didn't say that I cried a little during her transition. I felt bad for her family, friends, co-authors, and of course for those of us who unwaveringly supported her for much of our spiritual lives. My heart went out to Hay House, a publishing company that put her on the map as an author and mentor. I'm sure it was a hard decision to let go of one of their biggest stars shortly after their founder, Louise L Hay passed away. But one thing was constant through my mind and heart through the entire ordeal- she was the messenger, not the Source of the message. Like everyone, she is living a wondrous human experience that allows her the freedom to change. While I was watching many of her fans become angry, and even suicidal over her radical betrayal and attack on the very lifestyles she had helped us to create, something within me stayed calm, stable, and unmovable. Perhaps it is because I never made Doreen my guru. She never wanted us to. She was an imperfect person, who had channeled perfect messages. For that I will always be grateful. I love her books, I love her cards, I wouldn't dream of throwing them away. They are forever woven into the tapestry of my spiritual practice. However they are all just tools and bridges to the real thing- Love. 

When we feel Love from anyone's words; when someone writes a beautiful song, poem, book, or speaks from their heart, we must acknowledge that they are being a channel of Grace for us in that moment. In truth, we are always receiving Love from God and so when we use cards, crystals, or yes even the bible, we must remember that they are tools that help us connect to Love. It is not uncommon to confuse the message with the messenger. But when this happens, we need to take our power back. In fact, we need to take our power back from anyone we have given the ability to destroy us if they were to change. Because people change. The world changes. Hell, the bible has changed. However, Divine Love is constant, never ceasing, never changing, and the one thing I have learned to count on.

. 

As I look at all of the beauty around me today, I take in a sweet breath of gratitude. I am grateful I am not trapped in a limited mindset that condemns anyone. I am grateful I feel deeply connected and loved by God. I am grateful that I have the freedom to look in the direction of the things I resonate with, and away from people who judge me. Friends, today is a beautiful day regardless of what Doreen Virtue or anyone else is posting. I recommend that you unfollow anyone who makes you feel unworthy of the Divine Love and Grace that is within you right now in this moment. Instead, stop- take in a lovely breath, smile, place your hands on your heart, and simply say, "thank you." Doreen Virtue inspired me to create the absolute kick ass, wonderful, magical life that I am living right now. We don't have to understand her or anyone's path, we only have to understand that we are all loved. So, my final take on the Doreen Virtue saga: I deeply appreciate her contribution. Everyone has a right to change. I honor her journey. I am at peace with my own journey. In the wise words of Louise L Hay, "No one can truly abandon me but me. I am always here for myself. All is well in my world today and always."

It's My Birthday and I'm Not Sorry

Years ago, I was sitting at a table with a group of women when I announced "When I am 40, I will have the best body I've ever had." The blank stares prompted me to follow up by saying, "Well just look at Madonna and Demi Moore, so many women look better as they age."

One woman took a long sip of her cola and said with as much understanding as she could muster, "Well of course they look like that, they have private chefs and personal trainers show up at their homes. It's easier for them. It's unrealistic for us." 

I felt discouraged by her answer... that is until I realized it was her excuse and not my reality. And then I got to work.

Looking my best at 40 meant more to me than a surface deep beauty. I wanted to look good energetically too! I wanted to let go of the ugliness in my mind like obsessive worries, self doubt, and unresolved resentments. I wanted to let go of ugliness in my heart like past grievances, heartaches, and wounds. (All of that ugliness really can show up physically on your body and your face.) I wanted to explore being a dedicated lover to myself. I didn't want to let myself down anymore. I wanted to develop a self trust that had been broken by putting so many other peoples needs before mine and not standing up for my needs when I had the chance. I wanted to know how to honor my body's requirements to eat well, exercise, and be happy. It meant that I was going to have to do the work, rise above the excuses, and address my own fears of being a sexy middle aged woman. 

Yes, I have fears about looking good. Because whenever I shine, I risk being judged by other women and objectified by men. I risk not looking "spiritual" or worse, not taken seriously. It means that I might come across as self absorbed and a bad mother because I refuse to sport the "mom bod."

However...

It's my birthday today and I am celebrating 41. Today, I choose to be single. I make my own money. I raise my own kids and I work my fucking ass off. I also play- a lot! I've made it my life's mission to be a light in this world by inspiring other women to live their truth by following their joy and I aspire to be a mentor for those who are also being called into a mystical union with God. How can I execute this mission if I cannot take the steps myself? So, for me this is what it looks like: I'm a wise, connected, deep, sexy ass woman who lives a co-created magical life. I'm not going to apologize for where my years of dedication, self development, healing, and holy union has led me. While I admittedly have regrets that have helped me to develop a deep sense of humility, compassion, and empathy, there are certain things I cannot be sorry about. Raising the beauty bar means that I allow myself to stand unapologetically as the woman I am today.

Therefore...

I'm not sorry if I have offended anyone with my forgiveness. Regardless of our current circumstances, you should know that I gave it over to God a long time ago. You're not a big deal to me anymore.

I'm not sorry to any man who has lost me. I'm not sorry for the way I loved you. I am not sorry for the woman I was while in your arms and I will never apologize for the lessons we learned together and after we parted ways. 

I'm not sorry to any former friend who couldn't handle me during my worst times. My life has been messy and if you aren't with me now, it's for the best and I honor your journey.

I'm not sorry if you don't understand me. I live in my own beautiful world that I worked very hard to create and it's good here. There are no walls, but there are pretty tight boundaries. I don't give myself away anymore and I am not sorry if you have been disappointed by expecting I would.

I'm not sorry for my sexy legs, strong arms, and tight abs. I celebrate what my body can do every day by being joyfully active and this is the result. 

I'm not sorry for my ridiculously grandiose smile, it's the sexiest curve on my body and it is put there by my Creator who gives me something to smile about every single day.

A year into my forties, I can honestly say that not only do I have the best body I've ever had, I have the best mind I've ever had. I have the best connection to my Creator that I've ever had. How I currently live is a result of falling in love with my life and I fall in love with my life more and more with each step I take towards healing it. In the wise words of Elsie de Wolfe, "I am going to make everything around me beautiful- that will be my life." Today I raise my glass to those of you who also live unapologetically to your highest standards and who have decided to rise above the ugliness of inauthenticity and negativity. Cheers to those of us who are brave enough to look our wounds straight in the face and do whatever it takes to heal so that our light can shine through. Shine on my loves. You deserve every bit of sparkle you have fought for. Wherever you are on your journey, I bow to you, I honor you, and I am cheering you on from the sidelines. Don't give up. Don't give in. Continue to create the beautiful life you are destined to live. 

Music that may or may not have inspired this post:
Human Nature (I'm not sorry)- Madonna
Unapologetic Bitch- Madonna 
Photo credit: Sir Anthony Photography