Self Love and Care Doesn’t Just Stop Because of the Holidays

I really consider a healthy lifestyle a form of self love. Of course, it took me a while to change my thinking- since I equated sugar, fat, and bread with self love. This was probably due to the fact that growing up, that’s what my family ate on Sundays and special occasions. But once I started to understand that while my mind perceived these foods as “loving foods,” my body was suffering. This contradiction created discord between my mind and body. Having my body, mind, and spirit in alignment with my actions is a priority in my life and so I had to really work on listening to my body for what it really perceived as loving foods which was really healthier foods. Now days, my comfort foods have drastically changed and I have the same loving feelings when I eat them because my perception about what comfort food really is has changed.

With that being said, now we are heading into the holidays and it seems to be the popular time to let ourselves go. All the work we’ve been doing throughout the year goes out the window so that we can all feel guilty January 1 and make resolutions to be better human beings. I’m happy to say that I have been off of that whole”indulge à guilt à change à  indulge” cycle for quite some time. And again, I have to attribute it to the fact that what feels good to me may not for many people and vice versa. It doesn’t feel good and loving to gorge myself with too much food. It doesn’t feel good and loving to smear my plate with sugary treats. It doesn’t feel good and loving to drink alcohol, skip out on sleep, or to stop working out.

But what does feel good to me is continuing my path of self love and care. There is never a good reason to stop loving yourself. The holidays just aren’t a good enough reason- so don’t use them anymore. If you are more committed to feeling good and filled with love, energy, and happiness, it might be easier for you to make decisions in the moment based on that commitment.

So it’s not about shame, it’s not about missing out or being sad about what you can’t have. Hell, I’ll probably enjoy a piece of pumpkin pie myself. But I know that I’ll stop eating when it doesn’t feel like I’m not loving or appreciating myself anymore. I know I’ll push the plate away when it doesn’t support my commitment to care for myself.

I think that a lot of our habits and cycles can change when we learn how to love ourselves enough. There are still things in my life that come up and I have to check myself and say, “oh, here’s an area where I’m not showing myself love.” Or, “oops, this hurt/pain/craving  is coming up because I need self care.”  But one thing I know is that if I can do this, you can too. This season, be committed to your self love and care. Don’t use the holidays as an excuse to abuse your body. You’ll notice that as you enter the New Year with less guilt and more energy, you’ll be ahead of those who overindulged. You’ll notice a difference as you continue on your spiritual path with one less road block to deal with. That will lead you to a healthy sense of self trust, pride and appreciation. And no pie will ever feel as good as that!

Remember

I know I’m different, quirky, and quite possibly crazy. I am not average. I am not normal. I was never made to live in the mundane world living a mediocre life. And this whole fitting in thing is like wearing dirty underwear for too long. It doesn’t feel good and I want to take them off and burn them.

But for now I am called to put on the uniform, tame my hair, and buckle my seat belt. For now I am called to sit in traffic with a Starbucks coffee and wonder about world affairs and stocks. For now it is all gray, ice, concrete, and mountains of paperwork and busywork.

That is until I remember.

I remember that I’m special. I’m extraordinary. I have been custom built for this shit. I remember whose masterpiece I am, who places me on royal pedestals and tells me to keep my pretty head held high because He is my Father and I am just like Him.

I remember who I am in love with, and who loves me and color is brought back into my world. This is mysticism. This is spirituality at its peak. This is God keeping my head straight. 

Breakthrough Coming

Today I became unequivocally aware that a breakthrough is coming into my life. I can sense a sudden burst of God’s goodness in my heart. Not a small little trickle, not a little pat on the head, no. I KNOW that a flood of God’s love and power is coming for me. I am expecting to be completely and utterly overwhelmed in God’s rapture and dumbfounded by His blessings. It’s coming….. Now THIS is spiritual self esteem! 

Rawness

“The only thing I know how to do is love you” she whispered softly from a tear stained face and into an empty room. She was on her knees and she was praying.

“I don’t know how to parent, I don’t know how to date, I don’t even know how to do my hair.” God was listening intently and He could hear her every word.

“The world thinks I have it all together, but I don’t. I don’t have anything in my life together, God. All I have is you. You’re the only thing I’m good at. You’re the only place I feel safe. You’re the only one who hasn’t hurt me, betrayed me, or abandoned me. I love you so much; I just want to be with you.”

It was then she felt His hands begin to mend her broken wing. This he could do in an instant- but her heart would take time. 

Yes This

She always loved the wind in her hair but not too much- that would mess it up. It was the mild and intentional wind that would comb out the old stuck energy. She was also a fan of the kind of breeze that softly caressed her cheeks and whispered sweet nothings into her ears. “Yes, this” she would say to the air. “This is how I like it.” 

Feeling Old

Today I’m feeling old. I get disappointed because I thought I’d be further ahead in life, married in a beautiful house by the sea and enjoying my grown up years doing grown up things. I don’t feel like a grown up, sometimes I feel like I’m struggling with the same things my son struggles with. But then I have to remember that it is never too late to accomplish what God has placed in my heart. I know that God is a God of completion, and I just know that He wouldn’t let things sit in my heart without fully intending to bring them to pass.

God, help me to stop feeling like a disappointment. Remind me that you are preparing me for my accomplishments and that I have not lived my best years yet- that those are still to come. Remind me that I am never too late- that I am right on time, in Your time and that I have not missed any opportunities that you with your mercy wouldn’t bring to my door again and again and again. You see my disappointments; you know I wish things were different. Please restore my faith in the process of life so that I can relax into your Will and my Destiny. Help me to shake off my discouragements and self judgments so that I can create a fresh new vision of my life- the one you would have me live- the one where I’m the happiest. Console me with the reminder that I can still become everything you created me to be! My dreams are still alive, I still have time, and as long as  You are with me, I know I’ll get to where I am supposed to be!

Ya, sometimes you just gotta pray and get over it. 

Fairy Faith

When I moved into this townhouse in Pleasant Grove, the first thing I noted was how bare the little yard was. It is simple with a white plastic fence, half concrete for a patio table, and half grass. I wondered where on earth all my fairies would hang out. You see, the place we lived before had nice thick and heavy foliage; bushes, trees, and my favorite feature- a vegetable garden.

I had grown more things out of that little square garden than my neighbors could fathom. They would peer over the fence in awe and jealousy at my vines of cucumbers and squash, my bushes of spinach and Brussels. My towers of tomatoes and peas, the list goes on and on. Every year they were astounded at how much produce I was able to harvest- little did they know that my relationship to nature had been cultivated from the time I was a little girl talking to trees and laughing with insects. It is always pure enjoyment to laugh with the fae at anyone who just can’t figure out my gardening magic.

I assumed my nature spirits would follow me to this new place, but instantly felt guilty for wanting them to once I realized how dull and small their new yard would be. My cats weren’t too impressed either. They were used to being able to roam the neighborhood and nearby orchards. This place was inside of a city of fences, cars, and danger so I decided not to let my cats out. This didn’t go over so well, and they complained for 3 weeks straight. I have told myself that this place is only temporary and that we can all just make due until I can find us a better home. It was an unsettled feeling at first, I wondered how we would all do in such a mundane place. But that’s when the magic happened.

If you don’t believe in fairies, I truly hope that this story will convince you. Because there’s nothing more exciting than just letting yourself believe… even if it’s for a few minutes.

One morning as I was enjoying the sun in my little boxed in back yard, I happened to notice a lot of weeds had begun to spring up throughout the grass and along the fence. I made a mental note to pull them when I had time- an agreement I had made with the landlord. However, time got away from me and a few days after that, I realized that the weeds looked quite peculiar. They were twisty like vines. I wondered what kind of weed it was- but only for a moment before my thoughts took me away from it and more time went on. A few days after that, I could see that the weeds were intertwining along the edge of the fence, like they were all joined together by one root. Mind you, by now the weeds had spread along more than half the length of the fence. I looked along the fence line and found one place where they all seemed to be coming from. Sure enough, it was some strange vine that was coming out from under our fence. I jumped up onto a chair to look for what must be on the other side crawling through. But to my amazement, all I saw was rocks and gravel. No green stuff anywhere. So, I decided to give it a few more days before pulling it.

About a week went by before I was able to go out and really inspect the vine. By now it had grown into my patio and was taking over one of the chairs. It began to sprout yellow blossoms and the leaves looked like some sort of vegetable plant. It was then I realized this was no weed. As big as it was becoming, I knew it had to be taking over the other side of the fence so I looked over to the other side only to see the same barren scene I had seen before. I took a walk around the complex and peered over fence after fence. No one grew anything special, there were no vines anywhere like this one.

Within another week, the blossoms turned into huge yellow flowers that eventually formed into little gourd looking things. As soon as I realized what was happening I began to cry and my heart understood. My fairies had come with me after all, and they were making my yard just as magical as my last one! This was pumpkin vine! Out of nowhere! And just in time for Halloween! I let the vines take over the entire patio. We had little green pumpkins suspended in mid air hanging from under the table and chairs. The whole scene was a complete and utter mystery to everyone who saw it. My landlord confirmed that pumpkins had never grown there before. I too was dumbfounded- of all things I had grown over the years, pumpkins were never anything I had thought about planting. And yet there I was, like Cinderella waiting for her stagecoach to grow, I watched magic happen right before my eyes.  

Imagine had I pulled up those “weeds,” I would have missed the whole thing! My fairies knew I needed a magical pumpkin vine. I needed to know they were here with me, and making the best of it like we all are. That vine changed my entire attitude towards living here and it brought my faith back to life.

You might be asking yourself why things like that don’t happen for you. The fairies say that things like that happen all the time! We just don’t see it. We pull the weeds out before we know what’s happening- we discard the magic before it reveals itself. I highly suggest to just believe. It doesn’t hurt anything. Because when you believe, you’ll let things grow. You’ll know there’s a possibility of magic happening at any time and so you’ll look for it and you allow it to happen. If I can wake up to a pumpkin patch in the middle of the city, crawling out from nowhere- imagine what they could do for you! We all deserve a little magic!

Coming Home Was The Best Thing

There is literally no reason why I got this job. On paper, I am not qualified, experienced, or even educated. Never before in my life have I been so aware of God’s power. I am seeing an explosion of His influence in this world like never before and it is wildly apparent to me that He is my boss, He hired me, and He will ensure I am taken care of. God has the final say, and when he does no man can argue.

God, I know you have a great plan for my life- you are directing my steps. I don’t understand your ways, but I know that you are working out every detail and every factor in my favor. Even though I cannot grasp exactly what you are doing, it feels like you’re moving mountains for me and this leaves me feeling humbled at your feet. And I know you don’t want me at your feet- you want me in your arms, at your chest, by your side. It’s just that here in my blind humanness, I can’t help but to want to worship you every second of the day for what you’re doing for me. I can’t thank you enough, God. Coming home to you was the best thing I ever did.

Just For Today

No matter what, I will never prefer the company of concrete walls and sad little cubicles over the sunshine that streams into my kitchen window warming my sleeping kitty. But just for today, I can open the blinds a little and watch the dust particles dance in front of me like fireflies and the fae. 

First Day Of Work- The Spider Story

My intention is to bring you the inside scoop and behind the scenes of what it’s like to be a modern mystic in the corporate world. Many of you will relate to my stories, a few of you will learn something, and some of you might just be entertained.  No matter why you read this blog, you are sure to get the real run down on what it's like to live a magical life in a mundane world.

On my first day of work as an undercover mystic pretending to be a corporate sales woman, I was just sitting down to attend my first official meeting when the secretary of the office let out a deathly scream. Everyone jumped up and ran to see what happened. There she stood shaken and flustered pointing down at a huge spider. People began entertaining their own reactions moving about to save the situation, but for me time stood completely still. Everyone around me faded away and I cocked my head to the side to meet the spiders gaze. In our own little silent conversation, I understood this beautiful creature to be a weaver of destiny and dreams. An artist of silk and satin so fine that no human machine could ever mimic. I felt her creative juices, her strength to survive. I sensed the killer in her- to feed and sustain herself. I felt pride swell up in my heart as she knew her superiority over us when it came to artistic endeavors and survival. This private conversation was interrupted by the jolting realization that someone was about to end her life.

“Stop!” I yelled. “Stop what you are doing.” My eyes shifted from the spider to a man holding a rolled up file folder- his weapon of choice. He froze, stunned by the queenly tone in my voice. I moved gracefully to sweetly pick the spider up into my bare hands. Her body felt completely foreign to my skin. It was both exciting and exhilarating.

“Everything is okay, I’ve got you now.” I whispered reverently to the spider who stood still and trusting in the palm of my hand. I glided out of the office and into the fresh outside where I placed spider into nearby grass. We nodded and then I got up to return.

It was only then when I realized the scene I had made. I looked down at the ground in embarrassment, realizing that people outside of my world simply do not act that way. I took in a deep breath and made my way back inside, ready to explain myself- but not before catching a glimpse of my reflection in the glass doors that brought me back inside. I hesitated as my reflection showed a corporate woman in a dark pant suit, hair tied up in a bun, heels on point. I felt a tug at my heart for the days of sexy sleeveless shirts and braids. This will take some getting used to- I told myself.

Everyone had gone back to their business by the time I made my way back into the office. Everyone that is, except for the secretary who glared hot hellish eyes at me. I couldn’t help but to smile at her- she kind of looked a little witchy.

Nothing more was said, at least not to my face, which put me at ease. It was hard enough being the new girl, and being new to this world. Having to explain myself would be grueling.

The next morning as I was walking into the building, something shiny caught my attention in the bush near the entrance. I walked over to investigate. What I saw took my breath away. It was the absolute most gorgeous spider web I had ever seen adorned with morning dew the shined like diamonds! And right off to the side of her masterpiece stood proudly the spider I had saved. 

“You must know that diamonds are a girls best friend.” I said receiving her gift. I turned to walk inside and just for a moment my reflection showed my long wild hair and bare feet.

It will take some time getting used to this new life. It’s a different kind of jungle, with different predators. I am not surprised that my first friend is an eight legged artist and I’m delighted that magic has found me in the most unlikely of places.