Feeling Old

Today I’m feeling old. I get disappointed because I thought I’d be further ahead in life, married in a beautiful house by the sea and enjoying my grown up years doing grown up things. I don’t feel like a grown up, sometimes I feel like I’m struggling with the same things my son struggles with. But then I have to remember that it is never too late to accomplish what God has placed in my heart. I know that God is a God of completion, and I just know that He wouldn’t let things sit in my heart without fully intending to bring them to pass.

God, help me to stop feeling like a disappointment. Remind me that you are preparing me for my accomplishments and that I have not lived my best years yet- that those are still to come. Remind me that I am never too late- that I am right on time, in Your time and that I have not missed any opportunities that you with your mercy wouldn’t bring to my door again and again and again. You see my disappointments; you know I wish things were different. Please restore my faith in the process of life so that I can relax into your Will and my Destiny. Help me to shake off my discouragements and self judgments so that I can create a fresh new vision of my life- the one you would have me live- the one where I’m the happiest. Console me with the reminder that I can still become everything you created me to be! My dreams are still alive, I still have time, and as long as  You are with me, I know I’ll get to where I am supposed to be!

Ya, sometimes you just gotta pray and get over it. 

Fairy Faith

When I moved into this townhouse in Pleasant Grove, the first thing I noted was how bare the little yard was. It is simple with a white plastic fence, half concrete for a patio table, and half grass. I wondered where on earth all my fairies would hang out. You see, the place we lived before had nice thick and heavy foliage; bushes, trees, and my favorite feature- a vegetable garden.

I had grown more things out of that little square garden than my neighbors could fathom. They would peer over the fence in awe and jealousy at my vines of cucumbers and squash, my bushes of spinach and Brussels. My towers of tomatoes and peas, the list goes on and on. Every year they were astounded at how much produce I was able to harvest- little did they know that my relationship to nature had been cultivated from the time I was a little girl talking to trees and laughing with insects. It is always pure enjoyment to laugh with the fae at anyone who just can’t figure out my gardening magic.

I assumed my nature spirits would follow me to this new place, but instantly felt guilty for wanting them to once I realized how dull and small their new yard would be. My cats weren’t too impressed either. They were used to being able to roam the neighborhood and nearby orchards. This place was inside of a city of fences, cars, and danger so I decided not to let my cats out. This didn’t go over so well, and they complained for 3 weeks straight. I have told myself that this place is only temporary and that we can all just make due until I can find us a better home. It was an unsettled feeling at first, I wondered how we would all do in such a mundane place. But that’s when the magic happened.

If you don’t believe in fairies, I truly hope that this story will convince you. Because there’s nothing more exciting than just letting yourself believe… even if it’s for a few minutes.

One morning as I was enjoying the sun in my little boxed in back yard, I happened to notice a lot of weeds had begun to spring up throughout the grass and along the fence. I made a mental note to pull them when I had time- an agreement I had made with the landlord. However, time got away from me and a few days after that, I realized that the weeds looked quite peculiar. They were twisty like vines. I wondered what kind of weed it was- but only for a moment before my thoughts took me away from it and more time went on. A few days after that, I could see that the weeds were intertwining along the edge of the fence, like they were all joined together by one root. Mind you, by now the weeds had spread along more than half the length of the fence. I looked along the fence line and found one place where they all seemed to be coming from. Sure enough, it was some strange vine that was coming out from under our fence. I jumped up onto a chair to look for what must be on the other side crawling through. But to my amazement, all I saw was rocks and gravel. No green stuff anywhere. So, I decided to give it a few more days before pulling it.

About a week went by before I was able to go out and really inspect the vine. By now it had grown into my patio and was taking over one of the chairs. It began to sprout yellow blossoms and the leaves looked like some sort of vegetable plant. It was then I realized this was no weed. As big as it was becoming, I knew it had to be taking over the other side of the fence so I looked over to the other side only to see the same barren scene I had seen before. I took a walk around the complex and peered over fence after fence. No one grew anything special, there were no vines anywhere like this one.

Within another week, the blossoms turned into huge yellow flowers that eventually formed into little gourd looking things. As soon as I realized what was happening I began to cry and my heart understood. My fairies had come with me after all, and they were making my yard just as magical as my last one! This was pumpkin vine! Out of nowhere! And just in time for Halloween! I let the vines take over the entire patio. We had little green pumpkins suspended in mid air hanging from under the table and chairs. The whole scene was a complete and utter mystery to everyone who saw it. My landlord confirmed that pumpkins had never grown there before. I too was dumbfounded- of all things I had grown over the years, pumpkins were never anything I had thought about planting. And yet there I was, like Cinderella waiting for her stagecoach to grow, I watched magic happen right before my eyes.  

Imagine had I pulled up those “weeds,” I would have missed the whole thing! My fairies knew I needed a magical pumpkin vine. I needed to know they were here with me, and making the best of it like we all are. That vine changed my entire attitude towards living here and it brought my faith back to life.

You might be asking yourself why things like that don’t happen for you. The fairies say that things like that happen all the time! We just don’t see it. We pull the weeds out before we know what’s happening- we discard the magic before it reveals itself. I highly suggest to just believe. It doesn’t hurt anything. Because when you believe, you’ll let things grow. You’ll know there’s a possibility of magic happening at any time and so you’ll look for it and you allow it to happen. If I can wake up to a pumpkin patch in the middle of the city, crawling out from nowhere- imagine what they could do for you! We all deserve a little magic!

Coming Home Was The Best Thing

There is literally no reason why I got this job. On paper, I am not qualified, experienced, or even educated. Never before in my life have I been so aware of God’s power. I am seeing an explosion of His influence in this world like never before and it is wildly apparent to me that He is my boss, He hired me, and He will ensure I am taken care of. God has the final say, and when he does no man can argue.

God, I know you have a great plan for my life- you are directing my steps. I don’t understand your ways, but I know that you are working out every detail and every factor in my favor. Even though I cannot grasp exactly what you are doing, it feels like you’re moving mountains for me and this leaves me feeling humbled at your feet. And I know you don’t want me at your feet- you want me in your arms, at your chest, by your side. It’s just that here in my blind humanness, I can’t help but to want to worship you every second of the day for what you’re doing for me. I can’t thank you enough, God. Coming home to you was the best thing I ever did.

Just For Today

No matter what, I will never prefer the company of concrete walls and sad little cubicles over the sunshine that streams into my kitchen window warming my sleeping kitty. But just for today, I can open the blinds a little and watch the dust particles dance in front of me like fireflies and the fae. 

First Day Of Work- The Spider Story

My intention is to bring you the inside scoop and behind the scenes of what it’s like to be a modern mystic in the corporate world. Many of you will relate to my stories, a few of you will learn something, and some of you might just be entertained.  No matter why you read this blog, you are sure to get the real run down on what it's like to live a magical life in a mundane world.

On my first day of work as an undercover mystic pretending to be a corporate sales woman, I was just sitting down to attend my first official meeting when the secretary of the office let out a deathly scream. Everyone jumped up and ran to see what happened. There she stood shaken and flustered pointing down at a huge spider. People began entertaining their own reactions moving about to save the situation, but for me time stood completely still. Everyone around me faded away and I cocked my head to the side to meet the spiders gaze. In our own little silent conversation, I understood this beautiful creature to be a weaver of destiny and dreams. An artist of silk and satin so fine that no human machine could ever mimic. I felt her creative juices, her strength to survive. I sensed the killer in her- to feed and sustain herself. I felt pride swell up in my heart as she knew her superiority over us when it came to artistic endeavors and survival. This private conversation was interrupted by the jolting realization that someone was about to end her life.

“Stop!” I yelled. “Stop what you are doing.” My eyes shifted from the spider to a man holding a rolled up file folder- his weapon of choice. He froze, stunned by the queenly tone in my voice. I moved gracefully to sweetly pick the spider up into my bare hands. Her body felt completely foreign to my skin. It was both exciting and exhilarating.

“Everything is okay, I’ve got you now.” I whispered reverently to the spider who stood still and trusting in the palm of my hand. I glided out of the office and into the fresh outside where I placed spider into nearby grass. We nodded and then I got up to return.

It was only then when I realized the scene I had made. I looked down at the ground in embarrassment, realizing that people outside of my world simply do not act that way. I took in a deep breath and made my way back inside, ready to explain myself- but not before catching a glimpse of my reflection in the glass doors that brought me back inside. I hesitated as my reflection showed a corporate woman in a dark pant suit, hair tied up in a bun, heels on point. I felt a tug at my heart for the days of sexy sleeveless shirts and braids. This will take some getting used to- I told myself.

Everyone had gone back to their business by the time I made my way back into the office. Everyone that is, except for the secretary who glared hot hellish eyes at me. I couldn’t help but to smile at her- she kind of looked a little witchy.

Nothing more was said, at least not to my face, which put me at ease. It was hard enough being the new girl, and being new to this world. Having to explain myself would be grueling.

The next morning as I was walking into the building, something shiny caught my attention in the bush near the entrance. I walked over to investigate. What I saw took my breath away. It was the absolute most gorgeous spider web I had ever seen adorned with morning dew the shined like diamonds! And right off to the side of her masterpiece stood proudly the spider I had saved. 

“You must know that diamonds are a girls best friend.” I said receiving her gift. I turned to walk inside and just for a moment my reflection showed my long wild hair and bare feet.

It will take some time getting used to this new life. It’s a different kind of jungle, with different predators. I am not surprised that my first friend is an eight legged artist and I’m delighted that magic has found me in the most unlikely of places. 

Why I stopped Eating Meat Again

My intention is to bring you the inside scoop and behind the scenes of what it’s like to be a modern mystic in the corporate world. Many of you will relate to my stories, a few of you will learn something, and some of you might just be entertained.  No matter why you read this blog, you are sure to get the real run down on what it's like to live a magical life in a mundane world.

Over a decade ago, I was guided to change my eating habits to a very clean, organic, vegetarian diet. One of the things I noticed right off the bat was how clear my mind became. In fact, I attribute my vegetarian lifestyle to helping my intuitive gifts expand and develop. What I know now is that people are more sensitive than they realize. When I’m doing readings, one of the most common requests from many of my client’s angels is to improve their diet, and sometimes they guide my clients to stop eating meat- even if it’s just for a period of time so that the body can detox and rid itself of animal byproduct, fat, and hormones.  This isn't such a crazy idea. Its common knowledge these days that we ingest way too many animals and not enough plants. Balance is often required if you want to stay healthy and have good energy.

For me personally, the decision to quit meat was not initially a benevolent one. I had a series of kidney stones and after some analysis; we determined that my body wasn’t breaking down protein very well. If you’ve ever had a kidney stone, you would know that if there’s any way not to ever go through the pain and agony of it again- you’ll do what ever it takes! So I stopped eating meat, started taking enzymes to help my body break down proteins, and opted for easy to digest proteins in plant based forms. I’ve never had a kidney stone since. 

Fast forward years later, I found myself in a relationship with someone who depended heavily on meat for their main source of protein and added to that, I was feeling burned out with my diet. I felt like it would be okay to start eating it again here and there sparingly.  Things were going great for me with my meat diet until I started this new job.

You see, until I started working in the corporate world, I was a stay at home entrepreneur. I wasn’t out among large groups of people very often, and so my sensitivity seemed less. I just wasn’t bumping up against much contrast in my life. However, now that I’m putting on the pant suits and having to deal with office politics, I feel more contrast than ever. In the first couple weeks at a new office, I found myself almost feeling hyper sensitive and I wondered if I would be able to really make it out in the “real world.”

After a long tear filled drive home one day, I got on my knees and prayed for guidance. The answer was short and to the point. “Stop eating meat.”

Right then, I was reminded of something that my mentor and teacher Doreen Virtue has taught over the years. When we eat meat, we ingest the animals energy. Most animals on their way to slaughter are filled with anxiety, fear, and helplessness. Being sensitive people- I truly believe this affects us. If you don’t believe me, stop eating it for a couple weeks and you’ll see what I mean about feeling more peaceful. Apparently, I was able to handle the animals energy when my life was slower and I was home not faced with daily stress. However, now I’m in a different lifestyle and it’s too much. Not only was I directed to stop eating meat, but I was also guided to stop indulging in other unhealthy foods. By the time I was done praying, I had a clear knowing about what I could do to decrease my stress levels. I put on my running shoes and jogged over to our little gym and gave myself a good sweat. Just working out gave me a great stress detox and I was ready to renew my eating habits.

It’s only been a week and a half of no meat and increasing healthy foods and I’m feeling SO MUCH BETTER! I seriously cannot believe the difference. In fact, I am so detached from the drama at work that it barely phases me at all. It’s like I have a new pep in my step and I am more confident than ever that I can do this job! I’ve kept up my cardio as much as possible, and have started doing yoga at night. It is literally a night and day difference.

I have to wonder how much of our daily stress has to do with what we are putting in our bodies.  If you’re reading this and wondering that same thing, I urge you to follow your own guidance to change your diet habits and see what happens. We all live in a stressful world. The answer to my prayer gave me the power to change what I can to reduce as much stress as possible. I think this makes the rest of the stress manageable. It’s really all we can do, right? We can change what we can so we can deal with what we can’t change. I can’t change the fact that I’m a sensitive person, or that my boss is being bullied by his boss and I feel his pain. I can’t change the fact that I choose to live with an open heart, and that a lot of people are rude to me when I’m trying to sell to them. God didn’t come down to change everybody’s world because I was uncomfortable; But He gave me the insight, strength, and courage to change it myself so that I can continue to learn and grow. That’s why I love Him. That’s why I love my relationship with Him, and that’s why I love being a modern mystic in this crazy world!

Until next week!   

A Corporate Mystic

For anyone on a spiritual path, the words "Mystic" and "Corporate" may not seem to mesh very well. Truthfully, as someone who has practiced a spiritual path for over 20 years (and I say "practice" with much emphasis), going into the corporate world seems about as sensible as selling solar powered flashlights to miners.

It's something I had to do though. Prayers don't necessarily pay bills. Neither do self published books and angel readings. I'm just being transparent here. Until my own personal brand takes off, I'm going to have to ditch the flowers in my hair, pull it up in a bun, and somehow relearn how to interact with the muggle world.

Was this an easy decision to make? Yes. The opportunity basically fell into my lap and I am grateful for it. In fact, I would say that the dynamics of the opportunity were indeed Divine. Was it a hard decision to make? Yes. I'd be lying if I said I haven't cried my way home from the office a few times.  Being a sensitive person, it's hard not to feel everyone's stress on top of my own. I'm not used to the politics. I miss my home office, my mornings with my pets, and I miss the ability to focus 100% on my life's purpose. Now I have a boss and it's weird. He's a super nice guy thank goodness. And I have a really fun team of coworkers who think my knowledge of astrology and angels is really cool. There are some definite perks to this new job besides the really great pay like the fact that I only really have to be in the office 2 days a week. It's an outside sales position and so I'm in charge of my schedule and my entrepreneurial spirit is definitely happy about that.

However today I sit here- only 30 days after being hired- in my own humanness feeling sad. I can't help but to wonder why the things I've worked so hard on over the years haven't taken off. For the first time in my life I'm starting to question if they ever will. Perhaps God is looking out for me by giving me this job. Or perhaps there is more for me to learn about this world that I so passionately want to help. Maybe I'm being called to be out in the corporate trenches to be an example of love and light in obscure places. I'd like to think that maybe all of those reasons are at play. But to be honest I don't know much right now. Hence the mystery of life that we all face, right?

Here's what's in it for you. I've decided that I'm going to give my blog some massive attention throughout my journey. I already have a few really good stories under my belt that I'm excited to share with you. If anything, perhaps my readers will begin to relate to me more as I- like so many of you- struggle with the balance of being a spiritual being in a not so spiritual world. Maybe watching me face the daily challenges with the willingness to stand in my truth will be inspiring. Or maybe watching me fall flat onto my socially awkward face will make you laugh. No matter how this plays out, I invite you to come along with me. I promise to be raw, honest, and continue to be transparent. Allow me to share with you this Corporate Mystics story as it unfolds....